7 Months Postpartum - "I have a Bikini Body!"

Back in September while marveling at the growth Bernice had already accomplished I was not feeling so great about the way my body had grown after having my baby. When I got pregnant I felt like I was going through puberty and after I had given birth it felt the same but possibly more intense. I felt like I was wearing a sweater that was stretched out in all the wrong places all the time. All the changes to my body making it seem unfamiliar in a negative way... but I have started to fall in love with myself again now.

This morning I found this amazing image:

 

And I said damn right.

And I started to think of myself in the context of the image... 

Then this morning on my daily (semi-daily) call to my mother we talked about how I left the house without ANY makeup on without realizing it. She told me about the first time anyone had seen her outside our family without eye makeup on a couple weeks ago at work. We laughed and laughed and she stated she was surprised no one actually said anything.

"Do you know why, Mom?" I asked, then continued, "Because you are so much more to them. You take care of their kids."

And then I thought of myself in the context of my own statement.

Bernice coo'ed from the backseat to us and our speakerphone conversation.

I finished the call and my errands all the while thinking. Letting it all sink in. All the beauty the universe had just shown me in myself, my mother, and the other ladies in my life--and the day wasn't even half over.

I think my husband noticed I was 'different' today before I realized it myself. He unsolicitedly looked me in the eye mid-conversation at lunch and said "You are so beautiful."

He says it all the time, but... damn. This time it hit me. He ALWAYS means it, but only this one time had I finally accepted it for once.

I went home and put on a bikini.

I felt like a 'reset' button had been hit inside me. 

I felt like I grew into my skin today... the sweater fits perfectly ;o)

I felt beautiful today. With no makeup on and without a shower (and I was pooped on, today PEOPLE!).

I felt beautiful.

Because I am so much more than tight-fitting skin. I am a beautiful person, woman, wife, mother and daughter.

Hundreds of Days

 Hundreds of days have passed since Bernice has been born (230). So much has happened and she has changed and grown so much.
You know that feeling you get when you go out to eat at a restaurant and you get the bill at the end? The feeling that maybe something might not add up right; you've been overcharged somehow.
That's the best example I can give you of the feeling I get when I look at these two pictures:

The first photo of Bernice, and the latest I took today (below, obvs).

I look back at all the photos we have taken of her, the hundreds of days documented and remembered. Vividly remembered. It's all there. It all adds up... somehow. All the changes, so gradual and yet so THERE. So visible.

It's sad and sweet. And I remember it all. I feel so blessed to say I remember it all.