"Her whole body is the size of my hand... She is so tiny," he marveled.
"I know. I've never been responsible for anything like this," I started, "it's terrifying."
It really is scary being responsible for a newborn. It's also scary how much you can love something so small and vulnerable. So much could happen... The worry of pregnant-me has turned into maternal-worry over the frailty attached to my infant's mortality. Dogs scare me especially; all animals, with their self-unaware nature and lack of understanding that this baby could be very injured if stepped on even briefly, scare me right now.
There is a reason that babies are made with partially-formed skulls and lots of fat rolls: they are built to thrive and grow while Earthside.
I must rely on my faith now just like I did while pregnant; Jah watches her while we can't (like when we sleep) and does a far better job than I ever could.
So for now I will enjoy this sweet, brief moment for which my baby is as small as she will ever be again, and just be here. Present. No camera can capture this feeling; it is something I will just remember as long as I am given time to remember.
I can relate! fear overwhelms me but like you said, I try to step back and remember to soak the little guy in! hugs!
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking today...it's amazing how excited people get about random peoples' pregnancies or babies, despite the fact that there are so many babies born every day. But then I realized, that deep down people are still amazed by the fragility of human life and so we treat it like something special and amazing. So, treasure it! Trust that everything will be ok and be amazed by the wonder in it all.
ReplyDeleteI know I'll feel the same way you do someday, and part of the reason I'm nervous about having a baby is because of the fear associated with being responsible for another human life. You have the perfect attitude, though, and I hope I will too someday. <3 you lots!
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