TMI Post #1: What "trying" means to Us.

Over the weekend following the Friday post several family members showed me their love by making their best attempts at making me feel better.

"don't stress."
"just relax."
"stop trying."

However, it should be noted that "don't stress" and "just relax" has never been good fertility advice and it never will be; it actually makes the person trying to conceive stress more and relax less. Besides, it's hurtful to be told "don't feel this way" when you are allowing yourself to feel however you want... feelings aren't wrong; only what you do with them can be. It would be much more gentle to simply ask, "how are you feeling?" than to assume I'm feeling upset, stressed, or anything else! I'd love the chance to discuss my feelings by starting the conversation with that question than starting from a defensive place because the way I feel has been assumed.
And the bit about "stop trying" doesn't sound as bad as it might seem: it's meant more like, "just let it happen."  But if you knew what our definition of "trying" was in the first place this might seem (and did for a minute) like a suggestion that we shouldn't have children at all.

So if you would like me to explain what we mean by "we're trying," click the link below to continue after the jump.

If you decided to brave the TMI, be assured that it's gentle and delivered in terms of gardening.
After discussing all the weekend happenings last night, Shawn and I made the decision to post our definition of "trying" on the blog. We are on the same page with this entire situation (and would love everyone else to be) and we both decided this was the best way to explain it:
When you are gardening, you can do it for fun or for a purpose. We used to garden for fun but we would prevent the seeds from being planted. Now that we are trying to actively produce a 'vegegtable' in our garden, we are still gardening when we feel like it, but now we are planting the seeds in the "correct" place.
We don't schedule gardening and we don't have a gardening quota to meet any given week.

So please, please don't worry that we are trying too hard or stressing ourselves out. We know you love us and worry but we have each other through this process and we are on the same page. All you need to know is that we are trying the way that suits us both.