Happy Birthday, Bernice!

This morning at 7:35 AM we welcomed our daughter into the world after weeks of prodromal labor that stopped and started!
She is healthy and lovely with a great latch! I'm doing great as well; I got everything I prayed for, including no tearing. Faith worked for me.
I'll write up her birth story very soon and share it with you all since I'm not doing much this week.
We are so happy and there is a hazily surreal feeling over us mixed with exhaustion. Best feeling in the world.

39 Weeks Pregnant

Now that baby is full term and could be born any day, I breathe one sigh of relief knowing its little noggin is cooked to this point shown in the picture. I was nervous to get to 37 weeks after beginning to dilate, but now that we know that doesn't apparently mean much to my impending labor I am really ecstatic to have made it to 39 weeks.

Baby's room is done, all the clothes are cleaned and are hanging in the closet. We even have the bassinet and bedside swing set up in our bedroom, sitting empty when we do not have to shoo a cat out of them. Sometimes I open the nursery door and just stare inside, wishing the baby were here. I think Shawn does that occasionally as well. We want this little wiggly creature in our arms.

Such a peculiar feeling is this: to be the closest I will ever be to our child while he or she is inside my warm, safe womb and yet, the strength with which I yearn to hold him or her in my angular, bony arms brings tears to my throat which well up in my eyes and burn.

Being pregnant is weird.

Halfway

Dr says I'm 5cm and she can't believe I'm not in labor yet!

Oh well. Grow baby grow!

38 Weeks Pregnant

I'm still here! Baby is not quite Earthside yet but I can feel that it's coming... Very soon!

Out of Office

The time has finally come for me to stop working full time.

I am SO ready. That's all I can say.
OK, that and the fact that I'm really suprised work didn't give me any crap for starting leave now or making the doctor put me on bedrest to do so.

I'll still be blogging here and there to update but it will look different than usual because I'll be blogging via mobile device at home. Stick with me! It's almost baby time!

37 Week Belly

I just realized this morning that I haven't taken a pregnant belly selfie in 5 weeks!

Sorry that Ava's blurry head is right next to the belly!

37 Weeks Pregnant... Full term + lots of updates

via Birth Without Fear

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant. This is technically "full term" so if the baby was born any day like it wants to be, it wouldn't need any help to breathe! How wonderful! I still won't stop worrying about it being OK until it's out, though... then all new kinds of worry will replace that worry.

I am in pain.
My hips, back, and stomach muscles near my navel all hurt SO BAD. Especially when I get out of bed during the night (3+ times!) or in the morning. I have also started to have swelling pretty badly and the carpal tunnel I experience is aggravated by the pressure. Nevermind that I cannot wear shoes for any amount of time without lines indenting my feet.

Baby was/is breech... I'm not entirely convinced as to where s/he is... I feel hiccups in my left hip but it feels like a head and foot are under my ribs. I'd like an ultrasound to be sure; if it is breech I won't be staying home. I am too afraid of a breech delivery, but more scared for a c-section, so I'd try to birth naturally in the hospital with my wonderful Dr. Then I'd only be 20 minutes away at any time from being like, "OK, no... cut the baby out. I tried."
In the meantime we are trying all kinds of things like inversions, cold packs where the head is, and playing music/talking to baby down where the head should be. I was upset when I found out Monday after the midwives felt for the baby, but there's only so much I can do and everything happens for a reason. Everything will be alright even if it doesn't go as I wished it would.

I get checked again today; I really hope that doesn't spur labor to start with my sensitivity to cervical checks. We still have to finish the baby's curtains, install the carseat and do laundry!

The baby shower on Sunday was BEAUTIFUL!!! So many people came and gave our baby such nice things to welcome it into the world. It meant everything to have everyone there and it was very overwhelming in a wonderful way to feel how happy people are for us to welcome this wee one! My parents and family did a great job putting it together and it just made me a bit verklempt.

We're getting close... any day/night I could wake up and be in labor. I'm very excited.

Double TMI

Only because it's super gross is this labeled as TMI...

Baby Shower...s... blech.

Baby showers both suck and rock because of what they expose: true friends and points of... ahem, interest within family relationships. I am going out on a limb writing this article because it's going to piss off my family*, but I am pissed to the point of no return and this is my blog.
If someone reads it, they read it. I own my words and the responsibility of carrying them.

In the last weeks of my pregnancy the last thing I am concerned with is having a shower for our baby. I wish we'd held them a little earlier because I am huge, uncomfortable and apparently the baby could come any day. I'm also just so obsessed with going into labor and finally meeting our baby that I am in no condition to work, be social or to act aware of anything around me. I'm in the Zone. And the only cure is giving birth... not more cowbell as some may argue.

If I must take part in a late-term baby shower, and I must, I want it to be a happy, easy-going celebration full of family and friends who ask non-stop questions about the BABY and our future plans for him or her.
Unfortunately the shower has become a hub for passive agressiveness and behavior patterns which damage relationships and hurt feelings. And all of us are to blame.

I ask that any family who is reading this re-groups and centers themselves on the fact that we are all waiting for a BABY here, this should be a fun and exciting time. Our family is growing because of nothing more than the love within it. I also ask that we be mindful of each other's feelings during this time: exclusion is excruciatingly painful. "I didn't remember" doesn't soften the blow, either. This is a very intimate family event and an invite extended to the entire family and not just one side of it means the world to more people than you know. Your absence is also incredibly painful and speaks very loudly, whether what it says is accurate or not.

I ask that I be kept out of who-said-what updates and Facebook squabbles; I'm really focused on bringing the baby into the world the best way I can and I cannot do that with my insides feeling all scrambled up from the stress of this situation. It's not about the shower/s, it's about the emotional tone of our family we're setting for this wee one to be born into that is important. Baby will not care who bought what. I want to show them we all love each other, dammit. We all need to act like it more.

I need to hug people more. And I am going to try.


*family refers to the group of people we joined together with our marriage nearly 2 years ago throughout this post. All of them.

TMI...?

Before I share a bit of information with you that is very, very... weird(?) I want to warn you now that it's TMI and you might not even care. At all.

36 Weeks Pregnant

Baby is heavy. Almost 6 pounds now, nearly 20 inches. I can see practice breathing developing the last bits of baby lungs and I know all my cravings for shrimp (and other fatty fishies) are from that little brain getting bigger and more and more wrinkly. I think baby is almost done cooking.

My belly and hips are very sore, especially when I get out of bed (like in the morning or one of the 10 [not joking] times I got up to pee last night). Sometimes I can't move or walk until I rest on my hands and knees for a few minutes because the baby still moves and jams itself under my ribs occasionally.

I've started to not sleep as much and I'm a total space cadet; I just constantly am thinking about labor and the baby. I'm nearly always in a space where I feel "ready" to have labor start. I am excited and only a little bit scared... for everything. Like 99% excited and 1% scared... and I'd like to stay there.