Looooud Noises!

I have never liked babies as much as I like my own kid.
She is terrific and makes me relate to and like other kids so much more.
Of course I love children enough to have one of my own but there was always a streak of expectation while I was holding a baby that the child would be put-off by something I would inevitably do: laugh or sneeze.
My volume level naturally is about an 8 so my sneezes and sudden laughter is quite loud as well. I can't help it. But babies don't like these noises that I make, they cry after I make them, and then I want to cry because I didn't mean to frighten them.
Well, my baby doesn't care. She has been toted around in my womb long enough to be desensitized by my sneezes and guffaws so much so that she doesn't even flinch at the most sudden and powerful of my sneezes. She might just yawn and continue to look around, or if she is sleeping she continues to sleep some more.
She knows me. Like no other baby. It makes me feel good in a small but very important way.

Loving This Baby is Terrifying

Shawn and I were staring at Bernice a couple days ago and we briefly discussed how much we love this tiny baby.
"Her whole body is the size of my hand... She is so tiny," he marveled.

"I know. I've never been responsible for anything like this," I started, "it's terrifying."

It really is scary being responsible for a newborn. It's also scary how much you can love something so small and vulnerable. So much could happen... The worry of pregnant-me has turned into maternal-worry over the frailty attached to my infant's mortality. Dogs scare me especially; all animals, with their self-unaware nature and lack of understanding that this baby could be very injured if stepped on even briefly, scare me right now.
There is a reason that babies are made with partially-formed skulls and lots of fat rolls: they are built to thrive and grow while Earthside.
I must rely on my faith now just like I did while pregnant; Jah watches her while we can't (like when we sleep) and does a far better job than I ever could.

So for now I will enjoy this sweet, brief moment for which my baby is as small as she will ever be again, and just be here. Present. No camera can capture this feeling; it is something I will just remember as long as I am given time to remember.

Mama's Status

My baby is 2 weeks old today. Time goes by twice as fast as it used to.

A few readers have asked how I am and how I'm adjusting to life as mama. I'm doing really well. I have never felt more balanced and at peace in my life.
Sure I have some baby blues where I get weepy here and there, especially when I'm tired or there are too many people near Bernice, but I don't have postpartum depression; I was very concerned about getting PPD because I have a past history of depression from when I was younger.
I communicate how I'm feeling every day to Shawn honestly so he can make sure I'm maintaining a healthy mindset, and although it is not "proven" to help, I had my placenta encapsulated and I take several capsules every day to help replace the hormones I lost gradually. I notice a difference when I don't take them so I stay on top of my doses to stay feeling more normal.

My body is bouncing back well; I'm really happy with how I look so early after baby. I wear my maternity pants and leggings still, but for 2 weeks out I am going to let myself feel good about the way I look.

I feel beautiful, happy and so in love with my family. Life is so good.

Happy 2 Year Anniversary!

Last year on our first wedding anniversary we went back to the spot we were married and visited the festival that goes on every year on the same weekend. We walked around and had a funnel cake, reminiscing a little about the year gone by.
We repeated the tradition yesterday with a funnel cake again, but this year our baby joined us for the walk. We will definitely do this next year!

Happy Anniversary, Shawn! I love you.

Déja Vu

coma berenices

Coma Berenices is a constellation that translates to "Bernice's Hair" <http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coma_Berenices>

I know when I blogged about my heartburn during pregnancy I mentioned the old wives' tale about your baby having hair if you are afflicted with the discomfort of heartburn.
Turns out, for me, it was right.

She has daddy's hair! Look at that whorl. Beautiful.

Bernice is Here

Last week, about 45 minutes from this time, my contractions for real, actual labor started.
I denied them for 6 hours, going grocery shopping (last burst of nesting) while breathing through them in intervals, chatting at checkout and telling the lady I thought I might be in labor, going home and cooking the spaghetti I later threw up during transition... Then I realized this might be real. The pain was different; bone-deep pain.
I labored through the night and started pushing with the birds' awaking outside around 5AM, and got Bernice to finally crown at around 7:32. I felt her head, said out loud "Come on baby! It's time! Come out!" and at 7:34 her head was out, followed by the rest of her at 7:35AM. Right at the foot of our bed.
Shawn caught her, handed her to me and we both saw she was a she (as we had suspected!) at the same time. She promptly proceeded to clear all the meconium she had in her bowels at that time all over me and the towel covering us. Ahhh first mommyhood poo experience.
Shawn and I took her in, she only made little cries as I tried to put her to breast so she was bulb-suctioned clear and she cried louder. Beautiful lung clearing cries!
Her cord stopped pulsing and Shawn cut it, then it was clamped. We were helped into the bath and cleaned up, then B was weighed and Shawn was shown how to dress and bundle her while I finished soaking.
We all got into bed and were given postpartum instructions and we took a nap. All 3 of us warm and safe and glowingly happy.
A few hours later we woke up and told everyone in our family, who were all teary and thrilled to hear it went just as we had hoped, prayed and dreamed for sooo long.

Thank you Jah.
Thank you birth people.

Thank you Shawn. You made me happier than I ever thought I could be again. We made a beautiful little girl.
Like we said: this just keeps getting better.