For All the Mommies and the Daddies

Tonight I understand the ferocity of parental, and in my case, motherly love. I understand that any feelings that our parenting skills are being questioned are invoked within us by the differences between us. Any feelings that other parents' choices are made as a slight to us stems from differences in the infinite number of choices we all have to make everyday as parents. And all these feelings originate from the core feeling of anyone questioning that love. It can make the blood rise immediately.

But when we tuck our children in bed at night whether it is with you in your family bed, in a bassinet in your room, in his or her own crib in a separate room (with or without a bumper) don't we all hold onto them just a little longer before going to sleep ourselves? Don't we all try to consciously make a memory that we will never forget? Memories about how small our babies are, and how fast they are growing. Little details of the lines of their face. Such tiny fingers and toes. Each little hair on their heads.
If we all know that deep of love for our children I believe our differences can be celebrated instead of being used to criticize other parents. Lo! We all have found decisions we feel good about among the hundreds of choices which we all have to make. What could be better in the uncertain world of parenting than to feel good about how we're raising our own children?
Maybe we could understand each other and become curious rather than judgmental when we see those who have chosen differently than we have. Instead of taking it as a slight to you, feel good about your different decision you have made which works for your family and know that the parent in front of you feels that way about their own decision. Give a nod to them respectfully as a sort of "parental namaste:" The good parent within me sees the good parent within you.

In short: the Mommy Wars currently raging across the internet and in our communities make me cry. Breastfeeding, formula feeding. Disposables, cloth diapers. Vaccinations, no-Vaccinations. Intact boys, circumcised boys. Medicalized birth, un-medicated birth. All of it. It just needs to stop.
It just doesn't matter at the end of the day, and it's not part of that memory you make. What matters is the love we all know for our children. I hope we can all let that be enough to at least begin to let us relate to other parents, if not to love and understand them.

This is a tough job, folks. And if we're all doing our best, we're doing just great.

Bernice is 3 Months Old!

Yesterday Bernice turned 3 months. I don't know how the time flew by so quickly. I am so happy to see how she is growing and thriving.

I love her chubby little cheeks, roly poly thighs and the little "rubber band" wrists and ankles she has. I love that she loves elephants, AC/DC, being outside, and primary colors.
I love how she smiles when she stretches and wakes up or when Shawn talks to her. She even giggled for the first time out loud on Tuesday as I was swishing her bath water around to make sure it was a good temperature. I cried and laughed, too.
I am so excited for her to continue growing, learning and falling in love with life.

Overwhelmed... in a good way, mostly.

Time is going by so fast. I have so many thoughts running through my head; each one deserves its own blog post but I'm so overwhelmed by them all that I haven't been writing them out. I have one whole post in draft about how mothers both seek validation from other moms constantly via the internet, as well as about how parents outright shame other parents about their choices they make for their own children. It makes me sad and I don't do it because I would hate to have it done to me. We don't make choices for our child to slight anyone, we just do what we think is best for our child and I hope everyone else would do the same. No one will ever know enough about anyone else to make a choice for them and their family and anyone who thinks they would be able to is absurd. I do support and encourage that parents base their choices in research and scientific facts, especially when it comes to health choices. Basically, if they are informed choices I support any decision any parent makes for their child when it comes to things like circumcision, vaccines and what their kids eat and when they eat it.
We are all so similar that it baffles me why we waste time trying to separate ourselves from others by nitpicking our parenting styles and choices. I believe that no one is an expert on raising any child but they can be an expert at raising their own child. Shawn and I know Bernice like no one else and we consider ourselves Bernice-experts. If I ever offer advice (only when it is asked for) it is always from my own experience with her and I don't even know if it will be helpful or used and I don't expect it to be the end-all be-all of general parenting advice. Hell, my kid is only 3 months old. I don't know hardly anything yet, so the advice I have to offer when asked for it is already limited by that as well.
All I know is that I read everything, research everything, and thus know enough collectively that way along with my Bernice-knowledge to comfort myself when she has green poop, sneezes more often than usual, or cries for different reasons. If I'm still unsettled I call her doctor.
One piece of advice that is always good: go with your instincts. You have them for a reason and they're usually right.

I'm becoming a good mama bear. Like my dad said, "You're a mama-bear now. You're tough. If someone doesn't like it, tell them if they want something warm and fluffy to go hug a squirrel."

Evolution of the Belly

Here are photos of the belly as it grew along with Bernice. The first picture is from the day I found out and the last photo is from 5 days before she was born. They are in chronological order!

I have become... a Lactivist.

I am all for babies who aren't hungry.
I am for babies who are fed in any way their mothers see fit to feed them, whether it be from their breasts or from a bottle (with or without formula).
I see fit to feed my child with my breasts which make milk just for her, and I do it anywhere she happens to become hungry.

I tried nursing with a cover, especially when we first got started. Breastfeeding may be natural, but it sure as hell isn't easy for the first month or so, and we found comfort with a cover while we both fumbled and learned. She learned to latch right and I learned that breastfeeding is the most asexual experience I have ever had. There is nothing sexual about squashing your boob "like a hamburger" and helping your infant find her mouth's way to your body while you are dripping all over your shirt... on both sides. If you haven't experienced it, just trust me.

After the first 6 weeks it got easier to feed her, but the cover started to bother her, make her sweat, and unlatch due to discomfort. I thought she was pounding her little fists into my chest and yelling at my breast between latching and unlatching because the milk was coming out too fast/too slow, but it wasn't that at all: she was uncomfortable. And to be honest, I was too. A blanket slipping all over while an infant sucks zealously on a sensitive part of your body isn't comfortable for me.

Now that we have gotten the hang of breastfeeding, we love it. It's really easy and natural for us (we're fortunate to experience ease because of our great start at breastfeeding immediately after birth) and has become a no-fuss way to get her belly full. No more, no less.

I just want my baby to not be hungry.
I see fit to feed my baby anywhere we happen to be.
I see fit to breastfeed my child without a cover, unless I want one for my own comfort.
And I am tired of corporations, businesses and people ignorantly acting like breastfeeding is anything other than what I have described here.
It's not exclusively meant to be private; that implies that something is wrong about it and it should go unseen.
It does not need to be covered up; that implies that something is wrong about it and it should go unseen.
It does not need to be done in a bathroom; that is disgusting and implies that it is comparable to ridding your body of excrement.
Nursing in public is always necessary, and if you don't support it then you don't support breastfeeding. Babies get hungry outside of their own homes and need to eat. Mothers can't always pump for bottles because of the time it takes or because they don't have or can't afford a pump. It boggles my mind when ignorant people prefer to see a bottle's nipple in a baby's mouth rather than its mother's nipple in its mouth. A lot of breastfed babies won't even take a bottle. And why should they? A breastfed baby doesn't understand that society has sexualized its food source, but adults can understand. And they should. If you don't like it, look away, grow up and mind your own damn business. Because my kid is hungry and if I don't feed her (how cruel would that be?) she will cry. And then you'll have something else to bitch about.

So I'm going to feed my child as I see fit everywhere, every time.

Midwives' Log - Birthday

5-27-13
Feeling much better. No nausea or throwing up. Getting good rest.
3:00P started timing contractions. Irregular.
5:30P talked to midwife, had a break from 5:39 - 6:03 then kept having stronger contractions.
7:00P talked to midwife again. Irr contractions. c/o nerve pain running down inside part of leg.
8:00P talked to midwife - contractions still strong.
9:00P talked again w/ midwife - irr contractions, c/o round ligament pain. Pinkish show all day, had red streaking in mucus that night. Mom kept eating good all day, keeping it down.
9:15P midwife left, mom wanted them with her. Contractions getting stronger.
11:10P midwife arrived (primary)
Contractions strong, irr. Mom laying on. L side moaning through contractions.
11:17P baby is LOA? (fast check between contractions) FHT 148, heart tones down low.
11:19P mom up to bathroom - back to laying on R side. Eating apple between contractions.
11:46P contractions irr but stronger, lasting over a min.
11:53P up to walk hallway some
"I feel like I'm going crazy because it hurts so much." "don't touch me."
11:56P going to go to bathroom. Baby looks lower when up walking - contractions 2mins
5-28-13
12:05A kneeling. "I feel so tired from these but they're too close for me to sleep."
Mom does not want to move during contractions.
12:14A second midwife arrived
12:15A FHT 132 by doppler
12:34A walking hallway "I don't want to be still right now at all." drinking water. Contractions irr - lots of pressure.
12:39A went to bathroom. Bloody show slight.
12:40A into tub. "feeling better."
12:51A "every time I don't think it could hurt worse it does."
12:54A nausea
12:57A belching
1:00A kind of emotional
1:02A vomiting
1:05A FHT 160 by doppler
1:06A out of tub
1:08A lie down on L side
1:12A contractions much stronger, not as close
1:23A nausea
1:24A strong contraction -overwhelming. Moved to kneeling "oh my God"
1:45A up to urinate
Contractions have been irregular ~2-8min
1:48A walking
2:10A going to lie down
2:20A FHT 128 by doppler
2:30A kneeling over pillows on bed
2:32A taking a shower
2:55A out of shower
3:00A rectal pressure, trying to move bowels; feeling a little "pushy"
Bloody show. Moved bowels a little.
Contractions 3min
3:10A changing positions frequently
Trying to rest
3:23A FHT 124 by doppler
3:25 TENS unit applied
3:31A dry heaves
3:36A up walking. Does not want to be touched during contractions.
4:05A light pushing urge
4:10 pelvic by request
Cervix more forward. Softer except for scar tissue. Baby is lower, effaced more. 4:26A pelvic station +2 w/ contraction
Cervix is 8cm. Pulled cervix forward putting pressure on scar tissue
4:36A cervix is 9cm. Now baby is asinclytic.
4:48A 1st push directed
Edge of cervix on R side.
4:50A
5:09A FHT 124 by doppler
5:19A waters broke clear
5:28A FHT 108 by doppler
5:31A FHT 112 by doppler
5:44A moved to kneeling
5:48A emotional from pain
5:51A squatting through contractions
Pushing up edge of cervical lip manually.
6:00A FHT - under 100 told mom to bring it up
6:05A ginseng royal jelly 10cc given -sm edge of cervical lip on L side
Breathing through contractions
6:17A FHT 140 by doppler
6:18A passed some meconium
Pushing with contractions. Strong pushes able to see baby's head.
6:45A FHT by doppler 120+
Baby's head able to be seen on perineum.
6:52A mom felt baby's head
7:23A FHT 120 by doppler. Sped up at mom's command.
7:32A 1st crowning
7:34A head out
7:35A It's a girl!!! Over intact perineum, lots of thick meconium.
Wt 7lbs 7oz. Apgar 1min:9 ,5min:9
Length 20 1/4"
7:48A cord stopped pulsing. Clamped. Cut by father.