And it's really really hard to grow up strong enough of a woman to be a mother.
When you want to see the best in people, they show you their worst. A side you never knew was even possible to be seen. It's a cold, hard fact that some people are just mean.
This fact took me 8,936 days to learn and I'm still having a hard time swallowing it down today on day 8,937.
Part of the difficulty I have had in learning this is completely my fault. I give more credit to people than they are worth and I have too high of expectations for people based upon how I conduct myself. People are not me, they are people, and they are all very, very, puzzingly different. Makes the world go 'round, I suppose. But this is hands down the hardest lesson I have learned in my human life so far: some people just suck.
No matter how much of yourself you share with them, no matter how much you give or care, some will never be moved by that. And I must accept that, spend no more time poring over it and move on.
I just have to remember that even though I am forced to work with some of the meanest people I have ever met and will meet (I am sure) in my life, it must not become me; I must be unmoved by them as well. There is nothing wrong with me, dammit; I am nice. I am loving and full of rainbows and unicorns.
I hope I can adequately learn from this and use it to increase my strength. It's going to take a lot of strength to be a good mother one day; this can only be work done towards that.
Stumble it!
2 comments:
Aww, hon. Sending you a big virtual (((HUG))) right now, because it sure sounds like you need one.
i too have high expectations and find myself often disappointed by some of the people around me, but that doesn't necessarily mean those expectations are wrong.
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