Bobble Dots!

Yesterday I mentioned that the 2nd hoodie I have made for us to save is sized 8 months. I am making it with pink + gray ombre yarn and texturing it with little bobble polka dots.

I love how the variegated yarn kind of makes diagonal "stripes" across the pieces.

Mmm so cute!!! Even if we don't get lucky at baby lottery for another 2 months this would look great on a little gal in February, too. :o)

See what I did there?Yeh. Doin' well.

Better.

Sorry for the cryptic bit of sad yesterday... had a bad babycrack day.

Anyway, the more and more we crunch numbers the more we see how much easier saving money and buying baby things will be after August.

In smaller and yet smaller sizes I keep making more baby hoodies for us to save. 9-months might be too big to use in December if we got pregnant this month. I might even have the baby on my birthday if this cycle works out. So now I'm working on an 8-month sized hoodie. It's pink-to-gray ombre stripes with little "bobble" polka dots. I don't have a picture yet, but it's textured like this:

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And colored like this:


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The hood is almost done; I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.
In the meantime, Shawn is trying to figure out where we are going on vacation very soon, and I am not sharing after the Chicago-Surprise he pulled on me. He will have to just WAIT. :o)

Hang in There, Baby!

No news(usually)=good news, but in my case: no blog news=no news.

Everywhere I look are 13's... I know I am doing right by myself no matter what, I just have to have faith and well,

I also found a chart that made me feel SO much better about levels of pregnancy hormone in your body based on days past ovulation (DPO). Apparently if you have no AF (Aunt Flo!) and it's not 18DPO, you're not out of the game! YAY!


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Today I had to work and I blasted through too much of today's and tomorrow's work in the first hour I was here... WOMP. So I'm keeping myself busy with music and finding positive things like the kitty picture and Lady Gaga Youtube videos. My ascendant horoscope:

"If you're either worrying about the future or feeling guilty about the past, you're not enjoying the moment!"

Only 2 months ago I didn't even know if we could try to have children. We've come a long way.

"...it's alright, a-alright
Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance."

T-Minus 4 Days

I have had really good days during this 2-week wait... and today is not one of them.
I cycle between being hopeful, happy with anticipation, optimistic, and then crazy.
Take a guess at what today is...!

I am just thankful that I get out of work early today and can go home to nap. Then Shawn said he'll buy me a digital test at the store for Saturday morning. As of right now, I have no AF (Aunt Flo... guess who that is), no squinters (faint + lines on any tests), and no clue... I just have to wait.

I couldn't even "cheat" and test early; there's nothing there.
So until further notice, I'm keeping myself busy with yoga, crochet and taking cat pictures.
Enjoy.

TTC Adventure #2: The Two Week Wait

Here we are, damn-near smack in the middle of something people charting/trying to conceive call the "Two Week Wait" "2WW" or "hell."
All month you wait to release an egg, then the rest of the month you wait to pee on a stick. What's the big deal? It's 2 weeks right? WRONG. During this time, some women get a little--crazed. I could almost be included in that if I weren't keeping myself so darn Zen constantly and dismissing any creeping negative thoughts. Learning about fertility astrology to keep myself entertained in a proactive-feeling way helps... that and chart-staring (NOT).

"WHY WON'T THE SECRET PREGNANCY CODE IN MY BBT CHART APPEAR?!"

Symptom-charting replaces OPK's and everything seems like it could be an indicator of pregnancy. Gas? Write it down!!!
I'm only doing this during the day when I'm not home and I find myself bored. Then at home I pretty much "ground" myself like I did from Pinterest because that worked; this is, too.

Some also start testing too early with the home pregnancy tests and continue to test everyday of the 2WW. I already know I cannot do that to myself; BFN's DESTROY ME.
I also decided that "drinking 'til it's pink" is not for me, either. I did not have a margarita last night when we were out for Mexican food and Shawn had one. I didn't even ask or have a sip. It's not "good" or "bad," nor is it "easy" or "hard." It's just my choice.

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So since my parents will be out of town until the 2WW is over (and that is not conducive to a newsbreaking meeting to all potential future grandparents), I am waiting. Some days I am more patient than others... today: eh.  Hang in there with me, won't you?

I has a happy.

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Happy Monday!

I am proud of myself and have been since Saturday and Sunday, too.

For such great anticipation the next 2 weeks will be, I am so patient. And so happy. And so peaceful.

...for now.

Hee hee! Have a nice evening!

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #24

What a fast week! I'll make this post fast, too.



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I love me today because:

1. Pictures like the one above are making me cry today... in a happy way. I can't wait to make Shawn a daddy.
2. This is week 2 that I have been walking and doing yoga; now I do both everyday!
3. I didn't even THINK about going to the hiding place to use an OPK.
4. I am happy... and I'm still waiting to bust an egg this month. Success!

Happy weekend everybody.

Constructive vs. Destructive

CAUTION: Post content briefly mentions "pee sticks" and ovulation.

The new moon came and went yesterday. This time of the month is a good time to "work in" what we have learned recently and to toss out that which does us no good.
Over the last month we have tossed out the boy baby names (sorry guys), the self-censorship that feels "safe," and the last bits of self-dishonesty I hope to incur. I also tossed out something that I haven't shared yet: OPK's. I wasn't sure what they would bring me, but I thougth they would help (or at least couldn't hurt). I thought I was being constructive.
OPK's look like home pregnancy tests (HPT's) but instead they indicate that ovulation is imminent (in 12-36 hours). Also unlike HPT's a line is not a line on OPK's: it must be a dark line to be "positive."

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After 8 days of trying these mo-fo's I have had it. These bishes [sic] are destructive to me.You'd think I was getting a negative HPT with every negative OPK. Some were darker than others, leading me down the road to the crazy-town where they wield rulers marked with millimeters and measure just what perecentage of the test line is as dark or darker than the control line. 50%? TEST AGAIN!!!
So none of that. I went home, went to my 24-packs of OPK's, and effing HID THEM from myself.

I proceeded to do yoga for almost an hour. Now that's constructive. I also went to fetch my yarn I sourced after designing future-baby a hoodie, and started the damn thing. I finished it, too. Constructive, also.

Should I get more yarn to make a pocket?

Yes. Yes, I should...



I felt guilty starting and finishing a project that I have only had on my plate for a little over a month when I have soooo many others to finish, but I had a block in my creativity from not letting myself make this. So all of you that have slippers, illustrations, and other goodies and bits coming to you: lo, I have not forgotten. Oh, no. It's just taking me FOREVAR. But one day you'll go to your mailbox and you'll be pleasantly surprised. Promise.

2012-2013 Mantras

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While I meditate and do yoga I repeat positive things to myself that are helpful throughout my day no matter what I am doing. To share (and so I remember!!!) here are some good ones:

"I am safe."
"Open my heart. As wide as it can be."
"I am love."
"Everything is as it should be."
"I am relaxed."

After taking a peek at my natal chart I realized that the "5th House" associated with children/first pregnancy... is empty. This doesn't mean I won't have children; this means I won't have to focus or try too hard... hopefully. There are signs very near the House however, that I feel are things to take into consideration while we are trying to have a baby. Based on these I am adding several new mantras to my collection:

"Take care of yourself."
"Be healthy."
"No guilt."
"Work hard."
"Do it your own unique way."

I love how they all kind of tie together; it wouldn't be hard to write a paragraph interconnecting them in some way. Do you use/have mantras?

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #23

What a week! I think everyday being jam-packed with things made it go by fast. Amidst the routine this week was a bit of humor in the form of Mama Kitty and her cardboard home security... device. Random I know, but funny? You bet your buns.

Today I love me because:

1. I have been active for a whole week! Walking 10 minutes a day, doing Yoga every other day for 10-30 minutes is the current regimen. I feel sooo much better and more flexible again.
2. I made good Anniversary dinner with loves.
3. I found near-immediate peace after Cosmo left us.
4. I took good advice when it was hard.
5. The doulas I found are awesome ladies.
6. I make sure we're eating lots of different things to get lots of good baby-making nutrients!
7. I picked me out a good hubby. ;o)

Have a nice weekend!!!

Omaha Farmer's Market

We made it to Tuesday! Yay!
We had a lovely talk with Shannon last night and we like her quite a bit. I can't wait to meet the other 2 ladies this month and choose a doula! Today is a very exciting day as well: it is the Transit of Venus! It's not happening for over a hundred more years so make sure to take a look if you can see it where you are. Shawn and I are going to an observation area if we cannot see it from our house later. After that, the excitement continues as our friends welcomed a baby girl into the world yesterday. Her name is Nia Lorraine and she came in at a little over 9 pounds! I can't wait to meet her and hold her... you all know how I just LOVE to hold babies. There's also an old adage that you'll conceive if you hold a newborn... couldn't hurt ;o)

Yesterday I forgot to share our trip to the Omaha Farmers' Market with you! We (including Peach) went with my parents (and their dog) and had a very nice time!

Have a great Tuesday! Are you going to watch the transit? Do you have a Farmers' Market?

Smothered Chicken over Lime Cabbage

This morning I mentioned that dinner last night was really good. I want to share the recipe!

Chicken Smothered in Fajita Veggies with Lime-Cabbage
(Serves 4)
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast (frozen is fine)
1 bell pepper of any color
1 onion
1 jalapeno
1 clove garlic
1 tsp olive oil

3 cups shredded green cabbage
4 tsp olive oil
1 lime
salt and pepper
Avocado

Preheat the oven to 350F for the chicken. Heat a pan to medium-hi and add a tsp of olive oil. Dice the garlic and chop your veggies into strips or chunks, whichever you prefer. DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!!! Add the veggies to the pan and saute until the edges get brown. Place the chicken in a roasting pan, top with the veggies and place in the preheated oven to cook (about 25 minutes).

Once the chicken is almost done, start preparing the cabbage. Roll the lime around on the counter under your palm to loosen the juice; cut in half and collect the juice. In a medium mixing bowl, add all the ingredients and stir well to coat evenly. Add a pile to each plate and top with the chicken and veggies, as well as some avocado slices. YOM!

Long Weekend Funk

After not having time nor mood to blog since last week, I'm still in my funk. I just don't want to work today or do anything that requires Shawn and I to be apart. We love our Mondays off together, especially.

Saturday had quite the bright spot to it even though it was busy, busy, busy. We had a baby shower and graduation to go to, and to pick up the gifts for both... great planning, I know. We got ready, went to Target, and headed to the baby shower. Once there, I found myself feeling proud for being truly happy for my friend and her partner as she hugged me with her 8-month belly. It didn't make me sad, jealous, or resentful; my heart is starting to burst open to all kinds of joy instead of just my own. As if a reward for my progress one of our mutual work friends came in with her children: her 3 year-old son (with darling rosy cheeks) and her *gasp!* 5-week old daughter!!! I haven't been able to hold a baby since the affliction of the babycrack! For the first time in my life I felt no fear as she let me hold her, so hold her I did. I don't know how long I held that little baby but she was so sweet and so awake. When I commented on her alertness her mom told me "Oh, she won't sleep during the day!"

About twenty minutes later she fell asleep. I beamed.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #20

Happy Friday.

Today I love me because:

1. After a dark week, I'm back; happy and healthy and prepping for future baby some more.
2. I look like my mom :o)
3. I am re-examining what it means to be me, as I am about to change even more.
4. After the loss of a furbaby, I put my Mommy-in-Training pants on and kept on. I had to make cookies + tea and got. it. done.
5. People are having more difficulty finding their way under my skin anymore.

Have a nice weekend.

Mid-Century Modern Thayer High Chair

If you didn't see my Mother's Day post, go see me and my cute mom here. Until this morning all I knew about this chair was that it is beautiful. It's in great condition and even has the wood tray instead of plastic. This morning I learned that this item is a rare antique... and I got it for $20. I don't think anyone would begrudge me not waiting until we were pregnant to buy this.

I cleaned it up with mild soap and water and it sits in the garage currently, waiting for a baby bum to sit. Cleaning it up staved off the baby fever quite well, along with our other plan: every month that we don't get pregnant, we will do something immature and fun that we couldn't do otherwise. For June it's boxed-wine races in teams of 2 with our friends James and Scott. We'll let you know how that goes.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE #19

This week has been kind of rough. Yesterday, rougher.
It's a very emotional time for me right now waiting for this baby to become a thing. I left work yesterday a couple hours early being blinded by involuntary tears (really?) and just went home to tear my once-office apart and get it cleared out more for baby space. It's all I can do when I can't be pregnant now, to get things ready for when we are.
Shawn came home, not too soon after I got there to find me ripping the office apart. He told me he knew I was upset and couldn't work knowing I was at home feeling like that. We hugged for a minute and continued to go to work on the house, but together. For the next three hours we sifted, sorted, cleaned and placed items we hadn't seen in years. I look into the rooms we got done in disbelief that shortly we'll soon be painting the baby room and stocking it shortly after. I was in a great place last night upon falling asleep, even into this morning. I even wore my sunflower.
Then this morning at our group breaksfast, someone broke the news, their "wife is pregnant. We weren't even trying! Isn't that great?!"
Of course it is, but I don't give 2 shits right now.

So I love me today because:

1. I'm not so baby crazy that I trick Shawn into getting pregnant now.
2. I'm pretty. All the time. Even first thing in the morning. (And so are you.)
3. I wore a vintage shirt I bought last year and it's awesome.
4. I get to clean up my high chair tonight.

That's it.