"Let's put that on the fridge..."

Remember a while back when I was mad?
I said I had an issue owning up to the fact that things I create and do are amazing and dynamic; like everytime I shared news or a creation I perceived that it was received with a "Oh, that's nice... let's put that on the fridge."

No more.
A couple of days ago I was finishing my yoga with a relaxation/meditation and tried as I did, I couldn't keep thinking about this issue of mine. This was one of those times that being just the right amount of crazy like I am really helped me: I started a conversation with myself.

"Self, why do you think people feel like that?"
"Because everyone else's news is just so legit all the time."
  "How is it more legit than yours?"
"... I guess it's not."
  "Oh. So you feel like other people don't take your news as seriously because you don't take your news as seriously?"
"...I guess that is why."
  "Well that's enough of that then, isn't it?"

Out loud: "Yes. Yes it is quite enough of that."
In my head: "All of that; including the talking to myself bit."

But really. I can go back in my memories and correct that issue I had and it seems so obvious now. The wedding was a big deal: look how many people came just for us, how many people helped to put up decorations, how many things people took charge of and did just for us.
THAT was a big deal; still is. So they must have thought so, and still do.

DUH, Hillary... just... duh.

Dreams and Progress Finally Meet

Two weeks ago I was nervous waiting for something to happen. Last week I learned it wasn't OFW, thank goodness. But this week it has presented itself as to what it is: that job I want.

And, I had another dream. Yes, my crazy dreams!!!

This time I had left my ferret in the charge of someone I don't recall, and they lost her. I went outside to find her coming out of the storm drain/gutter, just fine.

Noni (the ferret) has made appearances in my dreams before representing (to myself) my tendency to be emotionally "split." Since I've had the last Noni dream, I have fallen in love with myself and embraced self-honesty, so no doubt her healthy appearance in the dream symbolizes the healthy self-guided changes I have made and the struggles I worked through.

Dream Moods helped me with the gutter bit and the finding Noni coming out of it bit:

Gutter
...To find valuables in the gutter in your dream suggest that you can find value in the least expected of places. Do not undervalue or underestimate things.

Found

To dream that you found someone indicates that you are identifying new facets of a relationship. You may be taking the relationship to a new level and/or direction. The dream may also be a metaphor for finding yourself.

So putting this dream together with my airplane dream from two weeks ago, I would say that all the hard work I have done in the last year to get myself to where I am now is putting me in a very good place in the public eye, possibly in a new status (job?) that is elevated. I will not underestimate the value of my self-honesty through the process on which I'm about to embark: if I am not ready, it is a "not yet," not a "no." And I'll look inward to improve.

If I am ready, and it's a "yes," anyone in my way had better look out.

But in both cases, I have an official test this Thursday to evaluate my drawing skills before my interview. Wish me luck!

I am finally back to my sparkly self I once was, and never thought I would be again.

And this time around I am even more fabulous because not only am I a rockstar but because this time I am aware, too.

Airplane dreams and nervous honesty.

Good morning and happy Monday once again.

On Friday I mentioned that I felt like I didn't want to do fashion week anymore... well, yes and no.
No, I am not looking forward to the time away from Shawn that this will require.
Yes, I can do this.
When I lie to myself I tell me "You don't want that anymore..." when I, in fact, do want something. It's just a defense mechanism I have to protect myself from rough paths, whether they're worth the journey or not. So this weekend when I had a dream that I was afraid to get on an airplane with Shawn, I had a lucid moment in the dream where I just told myself "Just do it." I remember getting onto the plane and then I woke up.
I looked up the symbolism of Airplanes in dreams on dreammoods.com:

Airplanes
To see an airplane in your dream indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something. If the airplane is taking off, then it suggests that an idea or plan is about to "take off" and be put into action. It may also represent your need to get away and escape from your daily life.

So maybe this Fashion Week thing will be good for me... or maybe my subconscious is finalizing my self-confidence I just found in my future-mommy skills. In any case I finished the sketches of the outfits I committed to on my application for the show in case I get called for an interview by next week.
Wish me the best, no matter what that might mean...