It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #4

Alright, it's Friday! I don't have to work Monday, how about you?

I love me today because:

1. I allow myself to feel a sense of accomplishment for small things I complete.
2. I've been MAKING myself drink a remedy for ovarian cysts everyday! It's not yummy, people!
3. I take time, at least 5 minutes, to meditate daily because it helps me.
4. I think I look cute when I leave the house.
5. I come up with good ideas when I'm grounded from Pinterest!
6. I pulled off Christmas Dinner with everyone at our house for the first year!
7. I like the designs I make.
8. I have a GREAT sense of humor.

Shawn I love you for what you helped me with this week. All of it, the big thing and the small things.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year's and I know 2012 will be amazing!!!

I lurve color palettes!

If you follow me on Pinterest you may have seen the palettes I make.
If not, click here so you can follow me and see them!

How and When in the Now

I strive to live in the moment.

My partner is a great inspiration to me on this; he does a great job of it. Shawn rarely loses sight of what is True and he never takes the rising sun for granted. It's amazing and if it's corny, so be it but this is something I am trying to learn from him.

I am a planner.
I need to have all my bearings gathered with at least an outline of things to come. The reality of the plans can change and the outline never amended thereafter, but I have to start with an idea. Relating this to having babies, it seems to me that at least a little bit of preliminary planning is as somatic a response as involuntary as picking up something you dropped.

Maybe it's just my conditioned mind...

Does manifesting plans cause an inherent need for them? Does not creating any kind of plan and just "letting it all happen" make it easier to have a child? Are there certain things you should plan to a T, and then others to just let fall by the wayside?

Over the last 4 years Shawn and I have discussed babies like there was no question they'd be around in our futures. At first we used individualized phrases like "When I have a kid..." and then as time went by the conversations have woven in on themselves with the words "our babies." After our wedding some life situations like health issues and a death came up, our priorities shifted, and the planned window of time for having "our babies" moved up. Now we were thinking we would try to conceive in the late Fall of 2012. And now it has, at last, become a real fleshy possibility.

This shadow of possibility scares me like nothing before. It scares me so much that from time to time (until a few days after Christmas) I was doing polarized flip-flops on whether I wanted to have kids at all. Finally in the last few days of December I exploded. After putting my hyper pug in her crate before she broke something, every one of my thoughts and feelings about mommyhood from the last 6 months compounded and rose up in my throat. The tears burned so as to tell me that this baby thing was not for me. I couldn't even calm down Peach (pug), how could I ever squelch a whailing baby? I would epitomise inadequacy in the mothering world. I had fully decided for the last time that I did NOT want children and I had to tell Shawn when he got home.
I told him with finality that this is who I am, and if he wanted children I'm laying out the situation on the table. He was really upset. We cried. He asked why and I told him everything about how I'd been feeling and the things that had been running through my head. And then he did what he does best by reminding me of what is True: he is my partner. And we are going to make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. Planning can make you feel better now but no amount of plans can predict every situation, and you're bound to screw up here and there. The best thing we can do is to live now; try to be the kind of people we want to be everyday; and to thus prepare OURSELVES for being the kind of parents we want our children to have. This diminished my fear.

And then he shared his thoughts on how we will conceive, "I just thought we'd just kind of be in the moment and decide right there if it's time to try, and continue accordingly..."

Sounds good, babe. Sounds really good.

Pick Our Curb Appeal

Happy Post-Christmas everyone! Hope you all had a fabulous time if you celebrate, and wishing everyone a delightful Kwanzaa and remainder of Hanukkah.
We had everyone over to our home so we were all in one place and it was fabulous. I even roasted a goose!
I was wondering if you could help me, dear readers... Which house facade do you like best?

Of course we didn't get lucky enough to get a 1234 address, it's just a generic visual! Leave your favorite in the comments to help Shawn and I pick a layout!

Slightly Wedding Related

... there's a shortage of wedding-y posts around here lately. And I'm sorry.
My friend had a wedding dream last week and she asked me to help her interpret it, since I like doing it and I self-admittedly am bomb at it. I had wedding dreams so this interested me and I thought it might interest you, too! Bride in socks-only dream...

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #3

Last Friday I was sick so I skipped out on my love myselfs things. So I'll do double the amount for today! YAY!

I love me because...
1. I have been making an effort with my appearance solely for MY happiness.
2. I have the courage to share my innermost thoughts with my readers.
3. I made an AMAZING teddy bear out of a sweater for a coworker. Shiz's nutz.
4. I took today off of work for me prep for Sunday. Dinner at our house!
5. I have been confessing stressful things and secrets to Shawn without feeling worried or guilty.
6. I am good at wrapping presents.
7. I take care of my body and health.
8. I am getting MUCH better at stopping the bad habit of comparing my achievements to others'.
9. I'm a badass.
10. I am so fired up to submit another post to the Offbeat Empire that I've already started writing it.


PS: Shawn, I love you because you just constantly love me and make me feel all happy inside!!!

Man, I feel REALLY good now. Won't you write a love letter to yourself, too?

-GROUNDED-

No, not like "down-to-Earth" grounded, but like, grounded-grounded. From repinning and surfing Pinterest. I love Pinterest just like anyone else but it wipes me out for coming up with original, uncontrived ideas.
Plus I get pissed when I see things like boot socks declared as a "new thing." Bitch, I wore those last year on the day I found my wedding dress. November of 2010. Yeah.
Basically I just need to take a little break from all the social comparison that occurs, is natural, and is human... but makes you feel like a fat cow for not having rock hard abs. And I don't think I'll miss the idiotically misattributed quotes. There's just not enough time in the day to come up with the tact necessary to correct all these things and to keep your sanity and True Self intact at once.
Ditto to all the exclusionary and ignorantly hurtful quotes as well.

I have no problem with making original pins from things I find on my own while I am grounded, but I won't be seeing the "More Pins" button for quiiiiiite a while.

Sometimes my nihilistic way just gives me the gumption to delete ALL my pinboards and start afresh.

I just felt really inspired this week making my little sweater-remnant headband because though it's not a new idea, it was not contrived. It was a very organic HiLLjO-flavored creation. THAT is the kind of things I want to make, not no-sew tutus (which I started making 2 years ago for my sock monkeys and kitties) and chalkboard-painted-everything (which I did partake in for the wedding B.P. or, before Pinterest).

Point is, it's like when you study a whole bunch of information. You start to recall it days later after it processes in your brain, is stored and then remembered. Pinterest holds SO many things that when I'm feeling creative and want an idea to come to me naturally, I recall a Pin instead. Sadddd panda.

So I'm going to clear out the Pinterest Recalls and start letting things come to me again.

Happy Winter Solstice

It is now officially winter whether you are loving the blizzard, hating it, or missing it altogether. Well, maybe some of you aren't missing it, but you're not getting any snow in some spots.
This year the solstice occurred on the 22 of December at 5:30 AM.


I got up before 5:30 to meditate while the Earth did its little axis dance. I wanted to see the sunrise over its new place even if I can't see it through the pillars at stonehenge.
A lot of different cultures celebrate the solstice and I think that's awesome. I love when a large group of people band together and just enjoy something in their own ways.

I think the New Year is going to be bright.

You are enough. Everyday.

Having a wide range of beliefs can be incredibly eye-opening into the serindipitous link between everything. I'm an not "religous" but verrrrrry spiritual and open to every idea on the subject. One of my very basic beliefs is that Humans are half biological and half spiritual creatures. We need a balance of both needs to be happy and healthy, both biologically and spiritually.
A concept I just found in the Bhuddist tradition is "dukkha." It is very complicated and philiophical but my interpretation of it is that it is the cause of every biological and bodily craving. You want those shoes? Dukkha. You want that girl's hair? Dukkha. Jealous of  anything? Dukkha. Dukkha everywhere!
So what's a person to do?
Realize your True-self. You are not your body. You have a body. As C.S. Lewis quoted:

Mastering your body is as easy and as difficult as realizing this, and recognizing the essence of your soul. I imagine my soul as a shard of energy which holds my true self deep inside me. It is golden like a flickering flame and it hums a low vibratto like a low D on a wood flute. It is a link to, and a piece of, the Grand Source of energy and love that Jah (or God or whatever made us) fashioned us from. From my soul comes all of my potential, all of my capabilities of love and goodness and light. This is the true me. My body is the source of all my Dukkha, all my Earthly cravings, all my sense of lack. It is not definitve of me. Through this acceptance of my true nature, I have come to REALLY forgive and to REALLY love myself for who and what I know myself to be.
And I am glad for my Dukkha, too.

"All perception of lack is acknowledgement of inherent potential."

-Jana Dixon, Biology of Kundalini

In my day-to-day routine when I forget the Truth of Me and I get "plugged-in" to the world around me, I do not condemn myself. When I compare my accomplishments to others' and feel lacking, it is because I know I can do that, too. I should rejoice in the dukkha that shows me my potential. I let the emotions come, I acknowledge them and let them ebb away. I take a breath or few to re-ground and center myself with my spirit and come back to feeling like my true self again. Perfect as-is.

Today, and everyday, I am enough. You are enough. Love yourself.

Due to low responsiveness...

Goodness, I was thinking of closing the giveaway... I only have 2 people entered and they both seem to really want to win...

Ok, giveaway is   CLOSED EARLY.

Heather, you win! Comment below whether you'd like to request something custom or a surprise!

Jamie, as a runner up, socks it is!!!






I'll get working on these the day after Christmas and you'll have them very soon!

LOVE!

Last-Minute Christmas DIY Idea

2 Days til Hannukah!
2 Days til Solstice!
6 Days until Christmas!!!

If anyone needs a last minute gift idea, a wonderous DIY hath been born out of the order I'm currently finishing before this week is over. A gal I work with gave me her late Grandpa's sweater to make a bear out of for her niece as a Christmas gift. It was a great-sized sweater and had more than enough material for the bear itself so I decided to make her mittens and a headband out of the scrap bits and pieces. Today I will share how to make the headband because it is my favorite and I think it's realllllly cute.

You will need:

Old Sweater / Ribbed Band off of a sweater

Scissors

Needle

Thread

How to Craft it:

Measure and mark the band to match the circumference around your head. Cut the band to this measurement and stitch the ends together with a blanket stitch.

Use the excess band length to make the bow. Make another circular band, then overlap the ends as in the 2nd picture, and make a running stitch through all layers down the center of the bow.

Next cut a thinner band of trim off the sweater, like from around the neck. Wrap and stitch this around the center of your bow securely, and then attach this "bow" to your headband. I used a couple anchoring stitches on either loop to make sure the bow didn't flop too much.

This should take 30 min - 1 hour!

Are you making any holiday DIY's for decorations or presents?

I want to seeeeee!!!

christmas cake 2011

It is now officially Christmastime at our house now. The arrival of the annual Christmas Cake calls it.

Mooseloaf is Live!

Make sure you check out my guest post on Offbeat Home today!

Mooseloaf!

I'm really proud of it and how it's being received!!!
Thank you for your support everyone!

And enter the giveaway! Only 11 more days!!!

Early: New Year's!!!

I have ALWAYS wanted to go to New York City and be in Times Square for New Year's. Ever since I was a little girl I have watched the ball drop on TV, and in later years that's all I pretty much did, too. I have never had a party or gone to a party for New Year's... it's always spent at home, in pajamas, yawning and one-eyed napping until it's 12 and time to finally go to sleep.
Just once I'd love to be in Times Square amidst the throngs of people steeped in confetti, delirious and cold next to my best friend counting down from 10... until the big moment when I get that kiss.
I checked airfare... it's under $1,000 for both of us for the weekend but I don't want this to be something I have to talk Shawn into... I want it to be a whirlwhind of spontanaiety and being young, in-love and childless (no baby bag to tote along yet)...
We won't always be able to do something like this but that money was meant for our Jamaica "honeymoon." But it has been 6 months since the wedding and we did go to South Dakota right after it... I know that Jamaica would be a pretty good family vacation one day. New York, not so much.
One thing is for sure though. I am BORED and I have a bad case of wanderlust that has the ability to drive me into a overwhelming self-revolutionary sense of abandonment. I do not want.
I want NYC and my sweetheart on New Year's Eve.

Now that I have rambled, if you wish to comment, make sure it's for my dad. It's his birthday today!
Happy Birthday Dad!

13,000 Pageviews

Happy Monday... kind of.

I am having one of those days where the stars say it's a bad day but I'm determined not to take that as the final word. I have decided to have a good day anyway.
Something you probably don't know... 13 is my lucky number. Actually, my entire family's lucky number is 13. My father's birthday is tomorrow(!!!) which is December 13th and that's kind of where that started. Since then it has been decidedly good luck. I also see the number EVERYWHERE multiple times everyday. I take it as a sign from the Universe that I'm on the right path.

So today in light of my positive attitude I find it very significant that I have reached an All Time 13,000 Pageviews with a current Page View rate for today at this time of 13. SPOOKY! But I just wanted to say Thank You! You readers are AH-mazing!!!

Married for 6 Months!

6 months ago today, at this time, Shawn and I were standing 14 feet away from each other, ready to become binded legally the way we were bound to each other in our hearts. The people on each side of the aisle melted away, my parents both elbow-in-elbow steadied me and lead my barefeet towards Shawn. We got closer and closer and Shawn's facial angles and expression softened more and more. I don't know what I looked like but I felt... like I could have exploded with love. I could feel our love physically like it was a guest at the wedding that was to stand up there with us and sit with our guests at the same time. It's the only reason I didn't cry... it made me feel so strong next to Shawn. It gave me a preview of the feeling of being married already. It is truly awesome to be married to your BFF

I heard nothing but Shawn and the officiant, I saw nothing but Shawn and I felt no breeze, no cold, no wind, just lots and lots of warm fuzzy LoVE.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #2

Happy Happy Happy Friday.
This day, I have waited all week for. We have gotten so much snow here in Omaha! How bout you?


2 Sets of Rabbit Tracks 

 Today I love myself because:
*I am genuine. I truly mean everything I say and do.
*I am not too uptight to engage in spontaneous snowball throwing.
*I can cook like crazy.

Shawn... I Love You because:
*You go outside to start your truck and end up shoveling out my Beetle first. You could start your car first but it's not as important to you as helping me.
*You don't just help me, you help everyone. And you truly love to help them.
*You came in a minute early for dinner last night. Better than on time. I love you!!!

Readers, I love you because you make my bounce rate go under 70% this month. WOOHOO! We're all awesome at this blog!

No excuse me while I go pin for hair and makeup ideas and try to come up with an outfit for Shawn and I's date tonight!

Bloggy-versary Giveaway!

-----GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED---

Last year I started blogging on THIS DAY!
Read the first post here!


Looking forward to the new year... 

 To celebrate I have decided to do another giveaway!!! This time it will be a little different. Instead of giving away a sock monkey YOU tell ME what you get! There's a choice of between a HiLLjO-made  amigurumi crochet animal of your choice; a standard-size sock monkey; or even a crochet accessory of your choice like a hat, socks, gloves or corset-style arm warmers!

Value of ths giveaway is $20USD and is open to International entries. Giveaway closes 12/26/11.

-----GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED---

Good Luck and Thanks for the Great Year!!!

Check out Offbeat Home!!!

I LURVE the Offbeat Empire and the amazing people who run it.
You probably have heard of Offbeat Bride, but there's MOAR!!! It's like the Knot how they are the wedding-themed site, then there's Offbeat Mama (like the Bump) and then Offbeat Home (the Nest). I should mention that these sites stop being like the Knot at this point and starts being more individualized and specialized for Offbeats.
OBB talks about zombie weddings in bars that are amazing and things like using TP rolls for centerpieces.
OBM talks about Offbeat motherhood, raising Offbeat children and giving birth. There are birth stories, mama products and a smattering of amazingly cute kiddos with mohawks.
Since OBB no longer serves me as it use to when I was going to be a bride, and OBM doesn't serve me specifically... yet, I read the shiz out of Offbeat Home. I love reading about bunny Hingeheads we can add to our doors to give the Bunnay Hutch some personality, or about vertical gardening on our deck.

The Empire recently held their reader survey to see what we like, when and how much. The last question was "Have you submitted a guest post before?"
To which my survey response was: No.
The sub-question was: "Why not?"
The only answer I had was "I don't know!"

So I got busy! I wrote about my favorite daily home task: cooking!!!
I wrote about the Mooseloaf and Greek Yogurt Mashed potatoes we had for dinner last week, submitted it with the picture and crossed my fingers, eagerly awaiting the 2-week waiting period for approval of guest posts. I'm the anxious type so I yippeeeeeed when I got an email 5 DAYS LATER saying it was ACCEPTED FOR PUBLISHING!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So go to OffbeatHome.com next Thursday, December 15th to see how Mooseloaf is made and to leave me some Offbeat comment love!

Psychological Needs in Hetero-Marriages*

Everyone has needs. Emotional needs, phsyical needs, psychological needs. All kinds of things that make us feel like "us" and make us happy. Loving yourself and taking time out to do things you enjoy fulfill some needs that no one can, but in doing this the past month or so I have felt there is something missing. I have felt... not a lack of closeness to Shawn, but an increase in distance for sure. We are not "growing apart" or being distant but we are simply there at home, expecting things to be amazing and different because we're married. It is amazing being married to your BfF but I have missed the special connection I felt to Shawn that made me giddy when we first met. It's not missing or gone, it's just changed. It has grown along with us and now it is different. Just like how a child we will someday create will grow and change many times, becoming simply different.
What is missing, for me, is the way I show my husband how I support him and how I feel about him as a man. In between doing things I enjoy like teaching crochet before going home after work and cooking dinner, I have become very focused on what kind of woman I am. This is important to figure out, but I have time. I have an idea of what I want to be, too so that's a headstart.
So it has occurred to me I spend too much time focusing on what I do rather than what I express. Sure I think all these things about Shawn below, but I never tell him. Not like I should. Not like I need to be told how he thinks of me as a woman...

Men are "doers" and Women are "thinkers." Generally. And I HATE to generalize especially in the case of people, but this is mostly true. Men focus in on one thing at a time intellectuallly while women take it all in and digest it emotionally. This wires us differently thus causing our needs to be met differently.
Men need intellectual affirmation. They need to know how you feel. You cannot simply mentally obsess over your man a la Anne Boelyn and expect him to read your mind or assume the you feel a certain way about him.
They really need to know you trust them, for starters. Trusting your man to go to the gym alone when you don't want to go (or because you already did) shows him you know he loves you enough to do what he says.

Men left with the responsibility to do the right thing will; if they do not, they are boys.

And if you do go to the gym with him, just because you catch hottie McAbs-Abs eying him dosen't mean he will ever give her a thought simply because you gave her one.
Trusting your man includes letting him go when he says "I'm fine" to your "What's wrong?"
If he doesn't want to share it he can obviously handle it himself, so trust him to do so. If he needs your help or it concerns you, he will ultimately come to you because you have shown him you're there. That is all he needs.
If you're parenting, trusting your spouse to care for the baby when you have been doing the main caregiving during the day can be difficult. Just because they do something different doesn't mean it's wrong... you may learn from the way your partner does it! Trust them!

There are lots of other ways you can show your partner you love them and that you think they are a good person. Trust is the one I feel everything is based on, however. If you can't trust someone enough to let your guard down, who will keep watch of it when you can't? Trust and be trusted.

I may continue this...

*I chose to aterisk "Hetero" because of the language I used here like "husband" and "wife" instead of "partner." Trust applies to every relationship!!!

YAY! I solds 2 sock monkeys!



HiLLjO.etsy.com

I have an etsy account mainly so that local people have an easy way to buy my products online and have them mailed to their homes in lieu of the run-around-to-pay-and-pickup. Plus it makes them available for people that just happen upon my sock monkeys and agree that they are a perfect gift for anyone. I usually don't make sales out of the blue off of etsy; I usually get a custom order, make it, post it and then the customer buys it off the site. So today when my fraternal twin monkeys were purchased I did a happy dance!!!

These two will be joining a family for Christmas as a gift! I can't wait to send them out on their merry ways today after work! I am glad, too, that I didn't have to split them up. They're twins, you know.

Disney Princess Themed Weddings!

Hi all!

I am simply smitten for this gal Leslie who started a tumblr before she went on her trip to a Disney Park. She put together outfits she would like to wear that were inspired by Disney characters and now, she's super-loved on tumblr and Pinterest and lots of other places! If you haven't seen it click the link above and be sure to check it out!

Being really inspired by her concept and mashing it together with my love of designing weddings I started pinning to boards for Disney Princess themed weddings! My concept may not be new but these boards I made are full of uniquely-me ideas so I'll take it and run!

Like a (gooseberry) pie table for the Snow White wedding...

And a Briar Rose necklace by etsy's LaraLewis for Sleeping Beauty.

A baroque library venue setting for Belle's wedding to the Beast...

A pillow cake for Aladdin and Jasmine to cut into at their reception...

The perfect ring shot for Ariel and Eric at their beach wedding...

A great Grecian updo for Megara and Hercules' Greek affair.

Including Bruno at Cinderella and Prince Charming's palace wedding.

Princess Tiana's New Orleans wedding inspired by Heather Walrath.

The final one(for now!) Tarzan + Jane's tented jungle wedding.







Don't miss out on any additions,

It's Friday... I'm in LoVE #1

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

I have decided to love myself.

I told myself out loud for the first time in the mirror yesterday "I love you."
I say those words so many times to Shawn everyday and he says it back, but I never tell myself. I believe our habits shape us and if I make a habit to externalize this, the feeling might "take."

To me, loving myself means no more beating myself up for things I'd wish to do over differently. No more replaying painful memories of people hurting me and wishing I'd said something different. No more thinking I "used" to be pretty. No more eating bad things that make me feel bad. No more leaving the house without feeling like "BITCH, I AM FAH-BULOUS."

I believe keeping yourself healthy is part of loving yourself so I went through with my lady-doctor appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't the yearly; it was a follow-up to the yearly appointment because the first pap results were "abnormal." I had to be mildly sedated when I went because I get so worked up in the office I will faint and/or puke & cry when getting a pap. But I go, because it is important.

Turns out I have level CIN-1 Cervical Dysplasia. This means the outer cells in there make precancerous cells, and this is good to know. It could be MUCH worse (like the 23-year old who found out she had CIN-3 and got an entire hysterectomy) and I can help myself get rid of it. Green Tea has been shown to help (by the FDA) and vegetables like kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts and caluiflower also help to make the cervical cells healthy again. And I lurrrrve those veggies best! By the time April comes around I have to go back AGAIN to the doctor and see how it has progressed.

In the meantime I will continue meditating, loving myself, living my life and making/sewing lots and lots of neat things! Today, and every Friday, I am making a list of things I love about myself and I encourage you to list something in the comments you love about yourself!!!

I love my _________ :
1. My creativity.
2. My hair. It NEVER pisses me off beyond repair.
3. Ability to LoVE without conditions.
4. Willingness to change for the better.


Love,



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