If you missed anything, had no idea I was gone, knew I was gone, or have questions about what happenened, to summarize:
- I'd been dealing with Paraovarian cysts for 7 months. They were painful and caused me to miss work and cut out all meat except for fish and game from my diet.
- I got rid of one cyst on my own but one would not give in.
- I finally got into the doctor to get surgery scheduled last Tuesday.
- The surgery was scheduled and done the very next day on Wednesday.
- The doctor performed a laparoscopic cystectomy and ended up finding out that my fallopian tube was so badly damaged and twisted that they had to cut it out with the cyst as well.
- So now I have 2 ovaries but only 1 is hooked up. At 23.
- I was on bedrest from Wednesday through Sunday.
- I did too much and ended up hurting myself bending over to pick up a dog toy Monday night. It hurt so bad I passed out and had a fainting episode.
- Went back to the Dr. Tuesday after almost collapsing at work in crying fits.
- Was put on antibiotics because I had a fever and possible infection. The doctor sternly told me to take it the hell easy and no more of Monday night business.
Tthis could have been worse... much worse. I'm not discounting that I could have had cancer, could have lost my fertility completely, or something else but I still went through something, so I'm upset.
It's like if a woman was upset about how she gave birth in a different way than she had planned. Saying "You should be grateful..." implies that she isn't grateful for what she has, and that her struggle and emotions from the aftermath don't matter; it was just a means to an end.
So yes, it could have turned out much worse... but what happened to me was a shock. I have tried to make it OK in my head for a week by just saying "Oh, it's okay..." and I'm sorry for lying.
Well, half-lying. I should be saying "It will be OK."
Because it's not right now, but it will be very soon.
As soon as I am healed and have our baby growing inside me, it will be perfectly OK.
Stumble it!
5 comments:
love that you just let your heart show! you are such a beautiful person and it's so normal to feel how you are! don't beat yourself up... let yourself feel how you feel and it will pass faster. many many hugs! you are so brave!
@Kim @ Party Frosting! I love you! I needed those hugs! ;o)
I love you, Hillary, and am here for you in any way I can be. You are so strong, brave and inspiring, and it's definitely OK for you to feel upset about what you've been through. I agree that sometimes, there's so much pressure on us to be positive and grateful for what we have in every situation, but sometimes, it's just not that easy. We as a society need to stop putting these pressures on people and take on the attitude that it's perfectly OK for people to say, "No, I'm not OK." Many hugs and much love to you, dear.
@Heather I love you, too! Thank you for holding a place for me and for your support. I will take all these hugs and loves! MM!!!
I'm so sorry you went through this Hillary...but I'm so glad you went through with the surgery and it sounds like everything is working out fine for you. Sorry I've been a little MIA lately too..so much going on, but I always love your updates and I'm glad to hear you are on the mend..you are def. so strong!
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