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12 April 2012

"The One that got away..."

Damn near everything in our marriage is equal... Except levels of dating experience.
I have had more relationships, but I can tell you more isn't "better." It just is what it is.

I often wonder if Shawn thinks about my past at all and if I have a "one that got away."
Well, no, I do not. Absolutely not.

I was treated very badly by all the boys I dated in the past (abused, even), and I can honestly say I have truly achieved the opposite feeling of love for every single one of them: not hate, but ambivalence.
Hate means you still care. Ambivalence says I don't care.
I care for damn near everything, but I just equally don't give a shit concern myself whether they are ALL alive or dead. Either way, I really would not care. I would not cry, I would not be happy.
I just wouldn't care.

They, to me, are now simply "Somebody that I used to Know."
Minus the part where I still care so much that I write a song about any of them... That song is acutally about me and how I treated all those pieces boys after breaking up. lol

3 comments:

Mrs. Pancakes said...Reply to comment

Lol....interesting song!

Heather said...Reply to comment

You are so strong to come through those experiences and be the positive, inspiring person that you are. I have people in my "past" that I feel this way about, too -- not people I dated, but certain family members and relatives who are just abusive, negative people. Good riddance to them!

HiLLjO said...Reply to comment

@Heather I appreciate that. I don't agree with anyone staying around people who treat them badly, related or not.

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Thank you for coming by to read my experiences as a wife and what came before it, as well. My husband Shawn and I were married June 10, 2011 in Omaha, NE! I enjoy sharing my stories and hearing other people's stories so please feel free to share any in the comments (especially dress stories!). I LOVE comments!

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