Wedding Magazine Karma

I don't go to Barnes & Nobles very often but my particular visit on Friday was a might interesting. I went in search of a good wedding magazine--the very idea should have indicated a problematic journey--only to be a big pain in their butt and embarass myself mildly and the staff more.
I came in the store and said hello to the new position in the company: the greeter/loss prevention associate. They are in place simply to make eye contact with you and say hello in order to deter your chance of stealing, given there is one, by around 33%.
I walked over to the magazine section and I saw out of the corner of my eye the Men's Interests section. I saw lots of articles in plastic bags and some without that had cars on most of them.

I continued to the Women's Interests section and saw Wedding, Sewing, Cooking, Makeup, Fashion and Cosmo-esque covers. 

This is all we're interested in, eh?

I started to go through the wedding magazines only to find ones that would have been perfect for me when I just started planning. Where were these books 5 and a half months ago? I skimmed about 10 magazines before making an unintentionally verbal noise of dissatisfaction and threw the last one down. I went to find an actual book and that's when the trouble started.
I dropped my phone and the case cracked on the floor spilling the phone and the battery cover and everything everywhere. The battery had fallen out but it had gone under the book display right in front of the Starbucks. I went to the Help Desk and told the lady what happened and she brought a broom over to try and scrape it out.
It didn't fit under the display.
She brought a ruler but it was too short.
By now Starbucks theater was fully on and another lady came over to help. She suggested pushing it and moving it to get the battery. When the display was moved it made a great skidding noise to ensure everyone in the vicinity was looking if they had lost interest before. Underneath it was the battery and about 6 years' evolutionary development of a species of Amazonian dust bunnies.

 A general Ew passed round and everyone returned about their business. Thank you to the Associates; I understand you only work there but you helped anyway.
Now if the store could only do something about their ridiculously gender-segregated book selections. I don't want to reach over some dude looking at Hustler to reach that Auto Body book with the article on hot candy-colored paint.