|20th Century Fox|
"Oh god, oh god..." I screamed at first as I slid down the first two steps, "...no," the last bit came out as a whimper since I started to cry before my butt hit the step I had slid on. I was instantly sobbing from fright and worry for our baby. Shawn called out to me and started to sprint down the hall as I righted myself and continued to wail.
I had done one of the things I have feared most since becoming pregnant: I fell on the stairs.
Shawn tried to calm me while I cried and cried. A million things rushed through my mind and I went to the bathroom to check for any amniotic fluid or blood. There was neither. I called my mom who shared a similar experience when she was pregnant with me, falling up a few stairs and landing on her knees; obviously things turned out fine for her and I.
It was only a little after 6 PM so the baby wasn't awake and kicking me yet, but at 7 PM it started to oblige as per its sleeping/kicking schedule. This morning all is still well albeit that the baby has shifted lower into my womb and is now kicking my cervix here and there. I have an appointment later this afternoon (16 weeks!) where I'll ask to have the baby's heartbeat checked via Doppler again. Until then, I can't worry about this. I prayed and Jah gave me a sense of Peace--or rather the sensation that I "should shut up and calm down; He's taking care of the baby better than we even know and has been this whole time." Even Shawn and my mother both gave me the same advice: "the worry you carry out could stress the baby more than falling like that ever could."
This put things into perspective for me and I realized that carrying around worry for my child isn't the same as carrying a badge of honor around. My child does not benefit whatsoever from me worrying or stressing out and it won't make me a better mother. I'll have to remember this later when our kid wants to cross the street, pet that big dog or go to school for the first time. And I really do have to let it go and give it to Jah, who has known, selected and protected our child before he or she was even in my body... cuz kids pick up on vibes even if they don't know what's going on precisely. And I want to help keep the good vibes going.