Secretly Fabulous Friday

They say the devil is in the details. By withholding all details, I can say that today has (so far) been the most secretly fabulous day ever.
After trying acupuncture for my nausea and vomiting during pregnancy (NVP) on Wednesday I have been feeling... different.  I cried a bit during the appointment and it felt like some blockage was breaking up and being let out. Since then I have been crying a lot randomly and getting irrationally upset; for example I almost had a coronary last night over the fact that Sonic made my weeklong awaited Hot Fudge Sundae with freakin' chocolate syrup (which I HATE). My episodes of sickness have also become more mild but occur just as frequently (and thus are a bit more random and hard to see coming), which is what brings us to today.
I bought a new dress and a slip for it on Tuesday. I couldn't decide between pink and green but ended up going with the green one. I wanted the pink one so badly that my mom and dad offered to buy it for me; I just had to have the store look up the proprietary credit card and put it onto their account. We did that last night after tracking the pink dress down once more (over 2 stores) and I went home to wash it in order to wear it today. Luckily I also washed the green one, though it won't be apparent until later why that was lucky.

I got up today and was only a little sick. I started to feel better after a half hour and got ready, putting on my new dress with my new shoes and a leopard print cardigan. Some of my work gal pals told me I looked "so cute" in a little dress with my belly bump and I felt really good. I went to go get a burger at lunch and started to feel nauseous once I left with my to-go order. I sat and dealt with it a couple of times and thought it was over. I started down the road and it hit me like a ton of bricks, only this time I couldn't pull over and deal with it... I grabbed the emergency puke-towel in the car but it did no good; my poor dress, hair and sweater took it all. This was secretly fabulous because none of it got on the interior of the car.
I was only a block from work so I finished the drive, parked and called my boss to tell him what was going on. I After that I called one of my work friends to come and help me. Luckily she was already outside and came right over. She took my lunch and put it in the fridge while I went to the restrooms and tried to salvage my outfit in vain. She came to check on me and my dress was just not going to work. This was secretly fabulous because I ended up having to go home and change... into the green one! I also cleaned my hair out and had some cereal. I got back to work in time to stay for about an hour and a half; I have my first appointment with my backup doctor today.

So all in all, sparing any horrific details, I can say that today I got to wear both my new dresses, see my animals at lunch, and go back to work in time to leave again. What a Secretly Fabulous Friday!

32 Weeks Pregnant (tomorrow)

The midwife checked on me yesterday and my belly (and baby!) are measuring 34cm from my pelvis to the top of my uterus (AKA fundus), which means our growth is correlating to 34 weeks gestation. Baby is going to be big and healthy or even 2 weeks ahead of schedule/on time. I told anyone who would listen a while ago this would be an 8-pounder... I may be correct. Heart rate is 152 which is great (has been between 152-158 the entire pregnancy) and she said the baby feels and sounds really good.
We can see all kinds of jiggles and rolls now through my tummy and sometimes we can even make out a heel rolling across my skin. I can see the baby practice breathing several times a day (SO ADORABLE!) and I think it gives him or her hiccups because those are also happening several times a day now. I can feel little ankles and knees knock together with the jostling and I can tell the baby's bones are getting harder every day thanks to my addiction to milk, cereal, cheese, yogurt and ice cream. I'm feeding this one well.

I feel great on my good days. I only have bad puking days 1 to 2 times per week so I relish every other day when I am fully functional. Working full time is getting really difficult but I get up and walk around every hour and it helps a lot. Sometimes I'll just be sick because the baby keeps rubbing its butt and feet across my stomach (which is now located under my left ribs); the sensation makes my stomach invert itself. I can't wait for the baby to drop and take some pressure off of my lungs and tummy!
I know it's very late in the game to be trying methods of relieving Nausea/Vomiting in Pregnancy but I am going to try acupuncture tomorrow. I have an appointment after work and I hope it is the answer to my only complaint with this pregnancy. Can you imagine? The last 2 months without puking?
Oh it'd be heaven...

Tonight I am going to shop for a couple of maxi dresses because I am SO over pants. Now that I'm less than 2 months away from the due date, I'm growing out of everything and I'm not buying new stuff unless I can wear it now AND after baby is born. People say to buy the next size up in maternity clothes so that this doesn't happen, but to me wearing ill-fitting clothes when you feel oh-so-sexy anyhow for 7 months and then having those clothes fit well for 2 months... just doesn't make any damn sense.

20 Weeks + Ultrasound!

Today I am so much more relaxed than I was in the last 4 weeks. It was a great comfort to see our little baby bouncing, kicking and flailing its fists looking all healthy and "perfect" as the doctor said.

Reminds us of Rodin's "The Thinker."



Baby's body from the front (head is on the left. See the eyes?)

Look at those toes! NOMNOMNOM babytoes!

Here's baby's face! What a sweetie!  

Baby wouldn't show the ultrasound tech its bits so thank goodness we didn't want to know the sex! Baby was comfy with its bum in my lower hip area and wouldn't move for all the prodding in the world. We have a very wild, stubborn, and modest baby. What a combo!

I did get to ask the doctor all about everything that has been freaking me out and she was able to assure me that we have no risk factors for any issues like preterm labor and advised that I just enjoy the next two months before I get huge and uncomfortable. I think I'm going to do just that.

Here's the belly as of now! Pardon the photo-booth style hilarity.

19-20 Week Update

It's been a week and a half since I've posted... I just can't think of what to post sometimes. I'm going through a high-stress period. I don't want to be negative or share anyone else's life-happenings even if they affect mine. Someone very close to us lost their baby right before the due-date just after Christmas and last week was about trying to relax and stay calm while supporting them as well.

We really got whammied the 10 days after Christmas: Christmas dinner at our house; the bad news I just shared above; New Year's; my 120th day of Pregnancy; and the funeral closed the week.
We had massages last Wednesday to try to prepare and relax so I'd be in a space that was good for the baby's soul on Thursday but I wasn't able to get comfortable and I just worried the whole time about being face down (even with the hole in the table), being too hot, etc. I also endured getting kicked  for an hour while the curious baby inside me attempted to find out what the massage table was exactly. I actually hurt more now (especially my hips) from tensing up constantly and trying to hold myself in a position that didn't hurt... which hurt more. I'm kind of mad about it; not at the massage place but just at the experience. If Shawn hadn't enjoyed his massage I'd consider all that money wasted.

I think I'm just really overwhelmed; we don't have anything for the baby and my plans for a homebirth kind of just went down the drain yesterday--the midwife won't come to this state for quite a while--and I don't blame her. So it's like I'm halway done cooking this baby (pray for no preterm labor, which is my current obsession-fear) and just starting out preparing for it. I'm stressed.

The bright side: I (finally) successfully made booties...

AND 

my friend & due-date partner Kim at Party Frosting! is having a little boy!!! YAY!

18 Weeks Pregnant

Even though baby is just the size of a yam like one you may have enjoyed at dinner yesterday, s/he still got me a Christmas gift: no morning sickness on Christmas!!! I really enjoyed it and had a wonderful day with our family.

Baby is roughly the size of a sweet potato or yam, totalling about 8 inches from head to feet. I can really feel movements and I even just saw a little kick poke out the front of my tummy for a second!
Baby is also getting more and more aware of what's outside my tummy and s/he LOVES to lay next to daddy and Peach, too! When I spoon Shawn at night the baby tries to kick at his back. When I hold Peach, she will sprawl across my belly (I suspect she can hear baby's heart beat now) and the baby kicks and then snuggles up to her as well (can baby hear Peach's heart?). I think Peach loves the baby and the baby loves her already, too.

Thursday the 3rd will be my 120th day of Pregnancy: a very special day in Kundalini Yoga teachings/Sikhism in which the baby's soul enters its body. More to come on how we will celebrate very soon!

17 Weeks Pregnant

I feel SO. DAMN. PREGNANT.

Baby is almost 5 inches long!

I can't imagine what 30 weeks will feel like; I think my waddle has already started.
Baby is kicking regularly now and forcing me to eat things I usually don't EVER eat (my Wendy's cheeseburger was delicious, thank you) just in order to get through the day. About 10 minutes after giving into my cravings baby does a happy dance in my belly to let me know that the craving has been sated.
I gave up on the guilt that came along with my cravings yesterday for once and for all after having Jimmy Johns (with heated meat) for the second day in a row. It comes down to feeling sick the entire day and possibly puking versus eating something that I didn't intend to eat and feeling fantastic the rest of the day. I'll take the latter... especially when I only gained 1 or 2 pounds in the last 5 weeks. I think I'm looking pretty good! And we've come a long way from me not being able to eat anything.

A side note that I think is adorable:
Last night I told Shawn that the baby can see light through his/her eyelids (which are shut now) and suggested we use a flashlight to play with baby while it was in there moving around and awake. The baby should reflexively roll away from the light... well, baby went crazy for the light and started kicking towards it and going crazy. Shawn put his hand on my belly and projected the light over his fingers and the baby just went NUTS. S/He definitely knows when daddy is home, talking or near it at all; this baby just loves daddy already. So cute.

Chin Whiskers... am I pregnant or a cat?

When I fell on the stairs last week I did NOT hurt the baby. My appointment the next day for my 16 week checkup went beautifully and the baby's heartbeat was as strong as ever: between 154 and 158.

Onto the next installment of "Being Pregnant is Weird" crap: today I woke up to about 5 chin whiskers. I'd be embarassed to share this but it was just so odd that I can't help but to extrapolate. I had a rogue 1 or 2 chin hairs before getting pregnant that I would pluck every couple of weeks or so and it was no big deal, but this morning I looked like a damn cat! I'm not even kidding when I say each hair was at least a half inch long (HOW LONG WERE THEY GROWING THERE?!).
Some of you may turn away in disgust now and the rest of you who are like me are more than welcome to collapse onto your keyboard in fits of purple-faced laughter.
Some days I admit that I have a hunch that the baby is a girl and then days like today I wonder if this is from extra testosterone... or just plain hormone changes in general. I really can't make a guess. Even when I dream I don't even give it away to myself; I always see a chunky blonde baby with beautiful green eyes and it has been a boy in a couple of dreams and it has been a girl in the last couple dreams as well.

In 3 and a half weeks I'll be 20 weeks pregnant and we go to see our baby's arms and leggies and all of the baby's other body parts... except for the between-the-leg bits. We want to be surprised and I am saying this like 5 times when we are finally in the room with our ultrasound tech next month just to make sure they don't say anything, label anything or show us anything. I am going to have to look away when they check for the baby's sex because I have looked at so many ultrasound photos and videos that I would know if I saw either set. At this point I wouldn't be disappointed either way but I would be disappointed if I knew; I'd be the only one... and I can't keep things like that to myself.

Please promise to exclaim my bravery in the face of the hem-and-hawers in response to my new status as a cat. I only share because googling this morning offered me solace in the midst of other catlike mommies-to-be and I wish to pass on the feeling. Thanks.

My clumsiness taught me about mom-worries...

20th Century Fox

"Oh god, oh god..." I screamed at first as I slid down the first two steps, "...no," the last bit came out as a whimper since I started to cry before my butt hit the step I had slid on. I was instantly sobbing from fright and worry for our baby. Shawn called out to me and started to sprint down the hall as I righted myself and continued to wail. 
I had done one of the things I have feared most since becoming pregnant: I fell on the stairs.

Shawn tried to calm me while I cried and cried. A million things rushed through my mind and I went to the bathroom to check for any amniotic fluid or blood. There was neither. I called my mom who shared a similar experience when she was pregnant with me, falling up a few stairs and landing on her knees; obviously things turned out fine for her and I.
It was only a little after 6 PM so the baby wasn't awake and kicking me yet, but at 7 PM it started to oblige as per its sleeping/kicking schedule. This morning all is still well albeit that the baby has shifted lower into my womb and is now kicking my cervix here and there. I have an appointment later this afternoon (16 weeks!) where I'll ask to have the baby's heartbeat checked via Doppler again. Until then, I can't worry about this. I prayed and Jah gave me a sense of Peace--or rather the sensation that I "should shut up and calm down; He's taking care of the baby better than we even know and has been this whole time." Even Shawn and my mother both gave me the same advice: "the worry you carry out could stress the baby more than falling like that ever could."
This put things into perspective for me and I realized that carrying around worry for my child isn't the same as carrying a badge of honor around. My child does not benefit whatsoever from me worrying or stressing out and it won't make me a better mother. I'll have to remember this later when our kid wants to cross the street, pet that big dog or go to school for the first time. And I really do have to let it go and give it to Jah, who has known, selected and protected our child before he or she was even in my body... cuz kids pick up on vibes even if they don't know what's going on precisely. And I want to help keep the good vibes going.

*jabjab* Ouch!

The baby is kicking me now with an unexpected ferocity for something only as large as an orange! I know I'm the only one who can feel it right now but I wish Shawn could feel what I feel when I hurriedly grab his hand and place it on my belly; and my parents who are already so in love with their grandbaby (and fighting about which sex it will be) when I gasp or exclaim out with a particularly strong jab.
I came to blog about feeling this... it has almost been 2 weeks since I last posted! I want to share this and to record it to remember later for myself as well. It's amazing how the idea of the baby moving inside of me seemed alien at first. It still is quite strange to think about, but once I rationally accepted the fact that this is really how humans are made and brought into the world, it's become more matter-of-fact now that I have finally started to feel jabs and rolls.


Glowing and Round-faced!

I physically feel better than I have so far; the second trimester isn't my "honeymoon" period like it is for some pregnant ladies but it is definitely an improvement from how weeks 6-11 were for me. I haven't gained much more weight since my last appointment (just a pound) but my face is rounder... like my quickly growing belly! I have to wear maternity pants everyday so I have 2 pair (now 3; thanks Mom!!!) I rotate like I used to with my regular pants.
Last week I started sleeping better after Thursday or Friday. I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and maybe between 3:45 and 5 AM to get sick once if I didn't eat anything in the middle of the night. Then I go back to sleep with a very active-feeling belly and wake up between 7 and 7:30 AM (but I feel like I could sleep all day)! I have to eat first thing when I get up or I get sick again; I usually have cereal. Cereal is the only thing I have craved for the entire pregnancy so far. Other than that I have gone through a mac n' cheese phase, an egg salad phase, and now a (heated) turkey sandwich phase. I've been obsessed with turkey for a while now that I think of it...
I have been able to start cooking more again and now I cook most of our meals! Yay! Shawn enjoys that, too; he missed my cooking quite a bit I'm sure. Shawn is amazing at helping me and making life as easy as possible. He cleans everything and does all of the dishes so that when I am hungry I don't have to clean a bowl or plate and gag from hunger at the same time; there's always a dish ready for me! All I have to worry about is being comfortable, getting enough rest, and feeding us all.

Our next appointment is Wednesday. They're just going to check on me and maybe listen to the baby to check in on him or her. The next appointment after Wednesday we will finally be able to see our baby for the first time since 9 weeks! I'm so excited and I'm sure Shawn is, too. Imagine how big I'll be then... :o)

Being Pregnant is Weird

My belly LAST week!

At just about 14 weeks, no one is more amazed at how fast this is going than I.
I could go on about all the little changes happening; the little pinches, pops and twitches in my belly; or how I somehow received implants gradually over the course of the last 10 weeks and have no memory of it whatsoever. But instead I just want to put it out there: being pregnant... is WEIRD.
Some days I lay on my side, imagining the fruit-sized fetus inside me wriggling with life and its own heartbeat and I get as teary and excited as the first day I found out it was finally in there.
Other days I sit and feel the new pressure in my uterus, the sensations of what must be the baby rolling and turning in its small space only to get the sensation that I've been holding a snake and I'd  like to put it-down-NOW. NOW. NOWNOWNOW. But I can't; I have to keep holding it.
Like I said: it's weird.

I also go from being very happy and excited for a few days, almost completely worry-free, and then I get overwhelmed and wonder if we did this at the right time. I also obsessively fear miscarrying and being in a car accident while pregnant every few days.
I blame hormones entirely. And lack of sleep.

Sleep is like something entirely new now. I sleep whenever and wherever I am able to do so for an hour or more. Sleep is also the 3-4 hour stints of rest I get at night between trips to the toilet and the pantry. I used to get so much sleep that I dreamed crazy pregnant dreams; now my sleep is so broken I haven't dreamed in almost a month.

Eating is still what my life revolves around. Every hour or two (sometimes 2 and a half) I must eat, or die... not really, but if I don't eat I'll puke and that hurts like I could be dying when my stomach is empty. This is why I not only visit the toilet in the wee (ha!) hours of the morning, but also the pantry: the baby bitch-slaps me with early morning (3:40 AM) hunger-induced nausea. What works the best and buys me the most time back asleep are my homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
The nausea I still have is almost always due to hunger. I have to be eating 2 hours after the last time I started to eat or else I'm asking to get sick. Yesterday I stayed on schedule and I still threw up, so who knows? As soon as I figure out my pattern I have a weird day or a new variable to toss into the mix, like sneezing. If I'm starting to get nauseous I sneeze. Sometimes the nausea goes away after I sneeze and sometimes it's a warning that puke is imminent.
Like I said: weird.

Pregnancy isn't at all anything that I thought it would be.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #39

What a week! It seemed long but now that it's Friday it feels like it went fast.
I am kind of giddy so today's list of tings I love are all over the place :o)

1. I love that I am gaining such a realistic point of view of my pregnancy as time goes on.
2. I love that I'm suprisingly enjoying my friends and family touching my slightly protruding bump. I thought I would hate it, but I love it! Especially when Shawn pats the baby goodnight.
3. I love how much I eat. It's hiiiiilarious to me; I have never eaten this much. I used to be the queen of forgetting to eat.
4. I'm drinking lots and lots of water again! YAY!
5. I love that my body when from Rh- to Rh+ so I don't need a Rhogam shot! YESSSS!!!
6. I have yoga'd everyday this week! WUTTT!!!
7. I haven't puked at ALL in 2 DAYS! YES! ON MY OWN!

Have a great weekend, everyone! Only 6 days until Thanksgiving!

PS: baby is the size of the apple in the photo above!!! CRAZY!

12 Week Appointment Update!



Our baby will make this baby look like a pansy...

Just a quick note about our appointment on Tuesday: everything is great!
The doctor used the doppler device to find the baby's heart beat. It's a very healthy 159bpm! At first it was difficult to find because the baby likes to snuggle up to my uterine artery to feel the pulsing of my heart, so we could actually hear both mine and the baby's hearts at once. It was cute.
After listening to the baby alone for a few seconds the doppler sounds "warbled" and then the heart noise resumed to which the doctor advised, "The baby kicked at the doppler!"
This baby takes no shits. I hope I'm passing on the strength I am gaining to him or her... I am no longer taking shits from anyone (at work specifically) either.

12 Weeks

Blue is cartilage and Purple is bone forming in its stead.
Via

Today/tomorrow marks the 12 weeks pregnant point.
This means a lot of things: the entire first trimester is behind us. There is less than a 1% chance of miscarriage now. The organs are all almost formed and everything about the baby is just going to grow and get bigger now.

Today we are going to go see if we can hear the heartbeat. We're kind of excited... ;o)

Peace + Pregnant Cavewomen + Dingos

Monday I removed my medicine pump. The side effects were making me miserable and I needed a break. I was scared to start vomiting again, but it has been almost a full 48 hours and I only gagged a bit this morning because I didn't eat in time. Other than hungry nausea, I am fine!

I returned to yoga again, every day so far for at least 10 minutes. I also meditate/pray and that has been the most powerful mechanism for me in the last 5 days. I don't dislike being pregnant anymore. Feeling connected with myself and the Universe once again has calmed me greatly and even started to make me like my body again. This morning I thought I looked pretty finally. For the first time in a long time.

Being pregnant ain't no picnic, but it is important and amazing. Of all the crafty things I do and make, this baby is by far the coolest thing I have ever made with my body. It's hard to explain the peace that came over me last night during my meditation. It did make me consciously realize that I have become something I always wanted to be as well... a Wild Human.

By Wild Human, I mean driven by instinct and removed from the domestication of the masses, then left to evolve separately from the pack into something similar to but not like a domestic human at all. It's almost like being a human-dingo.

Being pregnant, something so ancient yet still common among human women, is very primal. You are driven by food almost entirely; your day revolves around eating. I eat more than 5 times a day! Even though they are small meals and snacks, that's a lot of time taken up for the sole purpose of foraging, gathering and eating.

Pregnant women are also driven by hormones, the most primal of all chemical messengers. I am feeling all sorts of things everyday. It makes me very defensive in lots of different ways: I cry (defense mechanism), become irrational (reassurance/isolation mechanism), and can be very sensitive at times (protective mechanism). Some thoughts that come into my head of the irrational variety I know must have been thought by pregnant cave women long ago. There's no other way to explain some of these feelings.

So for now I go forth with my shiny pregnant hair and long pregnant fingernails, both of which are growing like mad, and enjoy today. Because that's all I have for sure and I don't want to take any of it for granted.

I'm growing a human; this is awesome.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #38 - Confessions

It's been a while, hasn't it? Almost a month, actually. A wild month...

I was going to recap what I went through but really, I just can't.
Suffice it to say being pregnant is not rainbows and lollipops; it is not fun to me at all. I'm happy I'm finally pregnant and the baby is healthy whenever we get checked, but this is no damn picnic. I am 10 weeks pregnant this week and feeling every bit of it.
All the notions I had about being glowy, experiencing brief nausea, eating as I always have, and walking on air are no longer clouding my head.
I have pimples everywhere where I once had beautiful skin; I won't even go into how bad the morning sickness has been (IV fluids... *cough*cough*); I eat like I used to when I was a child (and suffer the after-effects. Kim, you know...); and I don't even know whose boobs I have on my body right now but they are not mine.
I no longer know my body. It has become a stranger.
I fell off the yoga, meditation and astrology wagon. I no longer even think like myself anymore. I'm stressed, tired, and so-so-so emotional all the time. I started praying again this week, though. I had been a bit, but not as much like I used to at all. It's helping.

So today, even though I am being so hard on myself lately, I must say:
I love me because

1. At work, I just can't bring myself to GAF about all the idiots anymore. There are some lovely people here that really do care, and I concern myself with them.
2. I take it easy; I have no choice, but I still am gentle with myself.
3. Even in my pregnancy-induced insanity, I recognize how amazing Shawn is and how much he helps me. I'd be dead by now without him, many times over. Or in jail...
4. My nails are growing like a mutha... they're pretty.

That's it for now, everyone. Have a nice weekend and pray for the East Coast.
Take care.

Guess what...

One month ago, I was late.
I knew when I felt the mittelschmertz September 5th that I had ovulated--on the right (where there's no tube)--and I thought it was just a wasted cycle. There was no way an egg from the right would travel all the way to the left tube and be magically met by Shawn's gametes, fertilized and then proceed to implant in my womb. Right?

I had taken tests on the 15th and 16th which were STARK white negatives. I just "knew" that is wasn't going to happen yet again. But when I got to work on the 17th, something just wasn't right. Still nothing and no sign of the bitch.
On my lunch I went to the grocery store and purchased a test, went back to work and took it. It looked like nothing, as usual, so I set it on top of the TP dispenser and pulled my britches up. I looked again...

OMGWHATWHATWHAT was my first reaction. Then the tears and giggles; I just stared in disbelief. I had been OH-SO-WRONG.
So wonderfully wrong!
We were finally PREGNANT!!!

I went to tell my boss I had to leave an hour early, and when 3 o' clock came around I left and went to see Shawn on his break. I set the test in the passenger seat of the car. He got in and saw it, "What is that?"
"It's positive."
    "How many do you have to take before it's in there?"
"One. This one!!! It's not an OPK; we're pregnant!!!"

Tears and laughter ensued.
Our first appointment was this past Monday, the 15th. Here's our baby: