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06 November 2013

Break over!

Quietly, I took a break last month from blogging. I didn't mean to and I didn't announce it nor did I plan it. I wrote a couple posts before I stopped in October and I realized they kind of stained the vibe of the blog like ink water spots on crisp white paper.
I took a step back, realized that yes, I was going through a bit of postpartum depression, and that forcing myself to blog was making me over-analyze my feelings. So I stopped writing, continued living, and worked on letting myself feel what I felt and then moving on (all the while knowing better than the chemical imbalance in my brain) and now it's over. I feel good again. Happy for no reason, even!

It ceased last month right before our beloved ferret, Noni, passed away. She was always the symbol of my emotional duplicity in my dreams. Usually she would help me work through the process of unifying myself between the channels of heart and mind; sometimes she would show me that I was tearing myself apart and that although I was fine for the moment, I could not truly live that way. She reminded both Shawn and I of a weasel, or a little otter.
The night after she died I dreamed that I was sitting on a bench in front of a fountain. In the middle of the fountain there was a bit of land with a large tree. An otter was standing under the tree and I looked to her. She dove into the water and came out on the other side in front of me and I stood up from the bench. She held out her paw: she had a snail with the brightest white shell I had ever seen. She ate the snail and handed me the shell.
It was as if I understood her, and she understood me.

I knew Noni was finally at peace. I knew she was OK wherever she was now and that I would be OK, too. I must remember my true self, who I am, and continue navigating life at my own pace.

2 comments:

Kimberly Chandler said...Reply to comment

Wow! I didn't realize in my blog absence last month that you were in the same place... so weirdly beautiful how parralel our lives are sometimes! Lovely story about non I :)

Heather said...Reply to comment

I'm so sorry to hear about Noni, but I am glad she is at peace and that you are feeling better. Keep being you and navigating life at your own pace, my dear friend. You are loved.

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Thank you for coming by to read my experiences as a wife and what came before it, as well. My husband Shawn and I were married June 10, 2011 in Omaha, NE! I enjoy sharing my stories and hearing other people's stories so please feel free to share any in the comments (especially dress stories!). I LOVE comments!

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