Monday I removed my medicine pump. The side effects were making me miserable and I needed a break. I was scared to start vomiting again, but it has been almost a full 48 hours and I only gagged a bit this morning because I didn't eat in time. Other than hungry nausea, I am fine!
I returned to yoga again, every day so far for at least 10 minutes. I also meditate/pray and that has been the most powerful mechanism for me in the last 5 days. I don't dislike being pregnant anymore. Feeling connected with myself and the Universe once again has calmed me greatly and even started to make me like my body again. This morning I thought I looked pretty finally. For the first time in a long time.
Being pregnant ain't no picnic, but it is important and amazing. Of all the crafty things I do and make, this baby is by far the coolest thing I have ever made with my body. It's hard to explain the peace that came over me last night during my meditation. It did make me consciously realize that I have become something I always wanted to be as well... a Wild Human.
By Wild Human, I mean driven by instinct and removed from the domestication of the masses, then left to evolve separately from the pack into something similar to but not like a domestic human at all. It's almost like being a human-dingo.
Being pregnant, something so ancient yet still common among human women, is very primal. You are driven by food almost entirely; your day revolves around eating. I eat more than 5 times a day! Even though they are small meals and snacks, that's a lot of time taken up for the sole purpose of foraging, gathering and eating.
Pregnant women are also driven by hormones, the most primal of all chemical messengers. I am feeling all sorts of things everyday. It makes me very defensive in lots of different ways: I cry (defense mechanism), become irrational (reassurance/isolation mechanism), and can be very sensitive at times (protective mechanism). Some thoughts that come into my head of the irrational variety I know must have been thought by pregnant cave women long ago. There's no other way to explain some of these feelings.
So for now I go forth with my shiny pregnant hair and long pregnant fingernails, both of which are growing like mad, and enjoy today. Because that's all I have for sure and I don't want to take any of it for granted. I'm growing a human; this is awesome.
Stumble it!
