"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” BuddhaI have decided to love myself.
I told myself out loud for the first time in the mirror yesterday "I love you."
I say those words so many times to Shawn everyday and he says it back, but I never tell myself. I believe our habits shape us and if I make a habit to externalize this, the feeling might "take."
To me, loving myself means no more beating myself up for things I'd wish to do over differently. No more replaying painful memories of people hurting me and wishing I'd said something different. No more thinking I "used" to be pretty. No more eating bad things that make me feel bad. No more leaving the house without feeling like "BITCH, I AM FAH-BULOUS."
I believe keeping yourself healthy is part of loving yourself so I went through with my lady-doctor appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't the yearly; it was a follow-up to the yearly appointment because the first pap results were "abnormal." I had to be mildly sedated when I went because I get so worked up in the office I will faint and/or puke & cry when getting a pap. But I go, because it is important.
Turns out I have level CIN-1 Cervical Dysplasia. This means the outer cells in there make precancerous cells, and this is good to know. It could be MUCH worse (like the 23-year old who found out she had CIN-3 and got an entire hysterectomy) and I can help myself get rid of it. Green Tea has been shown to help (by the FDA) and vegetables like kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts and caluiflower also help to make the cervical cells healthy again. And I lurrrrve those veggies best! By the time April comes around I have to go back AGAIN to the doctor and see how it has progressed.
In the meantime I will continue meditating, loving myself, living my life and making/sewing lots and lots of neat things! Today, and every Friday, I am making a list of things I love about myself and I encourage you to list something in the comments you love about yourself!!!
I love my _________ :
1. My creativity.
2. My hair. It NEVER pisses me off beyond repair.
3. Ability to LoVE without conditions.
4. Willingness to change for the better.