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02 December 2011

It's Friday... I'm in LoVE #1


"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” Buddha
I have decided to love myself.

I told myself out loud for the first time in the mirror yesterday "I love you."
I say those words so many times to Shawn everyday and he says it back, but I never tell myself. I believe our habits shape us and if I make a habit to externalize this, the feeling might "take."

To me, loving myself means no more beating myself up for things I'd wish to do over differently. No more replaying painful memories of people hurting me and wishing I'd said something different. No more thinking I "used" to be pretty. No more eating bad things that make me feel bad. No more leaving the house without feeling like "BITCH, I AM FAH-BULOUS."

I believe keeping yourself healthy is part of loving yourself so I went through with my lady-doctor appointment on Tuesday. It wasn't the yearly; it was a follow-up to the yearly appointment because the first pap results were "abnormal." I had to be mildly sedated when I went because I get so worked up in the office I will faint and/or puke & cry when getting a pap. But I go, because it is important.

Turns out I have level CIN-1 Cervical Dysplasia. This means the outer cells in there make precancerous cells, and this is good to know. It could be MUCH worse (like the 23-year old who found out she had CIN-3 and got an entire hysterectomy) and I can help myself get rid of it. Green Tea has been shown to help (by the FDA) and vegetables like kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts and caluiflower also help to make the cervical cells healthy again. And I lurrrrve those veggies best! By the time April comes around I have to go back AGAIN to the doctor and see how it has progressed.

In the meantime I will continue meditating, loving myself, living my life and making/sewing lots and lots of neat things! Today, and every Friday, I am making a list of things I love about myself and I encourage you to list something in the comments you love about yourself!!!

I love my _________ :
1. My creativity.
2. My hair. It NEVER pisses me off beyond repair.
3. Ability to LoVE without conditions.
4. Willingness to change for the better.


Love,




6 comments:

Lucija said...Reply to comment

I SO love your blog!! You got yourself a new follower :*

XO,
Lucija
WLL

Heather said...Reply to comment

I'm so sorry to hear that you have CIN-1, but am glad to know it's treatable and that you're keeping a positive outlook. I also have to take medication when going to the ob/gyn because it gives me a panic attack and always causes me a lot of pain. I definitely hope that by the time you go back in April, they will say it's gone. Keep on being you and loving life, girl!

HiLLjO said...Reply to comment

@Lucijathank you; I am glad you enjoy it here!

HiLLjO said...Reply to comment

@Heather I thought I was the ONLY one who got that excitable... Thank you for your constant encouragement!

Saying I do said...Reply to comment

beautiful post :) I need to love me too. I'm glad to hear that you caught this and that you can make steps to help steer it in the right direction. Your positive attitude is truly inspirational!

Kellie said...Reply to comment

You are an incredibly strong person. What a shitty thing to have to come to terms with and you're just taking hold of it.
So glad you've decided to look at the positive, because that could be a very depressing thing.

Sometimes life just isn't fair but you're such an awesome person that things are just bound to go your way when the time comes. Which better be soon. ;)

As always, sending light and love your way. :)

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Thank you for coming by to read my experiences as a wife and what came before it, as well. My husband Shawn and I were married June 10, 2011 in Omaha, NE! I enjoy sharing my stories and hearing other people's stories so please feel free to share any in the comments (especially dress stories!). I LOVE comments!

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