Last month I learned something valuable that I will share at risk of sounding very young... even though I am very young.
A month ago today I shared that someone at my work's wife is suprise-pregnant... but I didn't share that this was announced the day after my first BFN (big fat negative)... Thursday night I was devastated, disappointed, sad, and so frustrated. I managed to pull myself together before work that next morning and continue on, sunflower upon my head and the skip in my step that is Friday. After that announcement I plunged back down to the place I had been. I didn't like it; I felt involuntarily miserable and thus more miserable.
After making it through most of the day I was finally at home, sulking to myself. One of my blog-sisters, Kim, emailed me to see how I was doing and I spilled the beans. I expected her to agree, to comiserate with me, and to tell me things I wanted to hear. She didn't; she pissed me off.
She told me that she knows how frustrating it must be for me to be going through this in light of the announcement, but that I had to be happy for them.
WHAT?! But, but... ME!!! What about MEEEE?!
Her email continued, "the more joy you can let in your heart and less stress, the easier it will be to conceive."
WELL... hmm. Yeah... Maybe there's something to this...
So I thought about it. I examined where the pissed-off was coming from: me.
She doesn't know the people I work with; she knows and likes me. She wants to help me.
So I had to re-read the email with love in my heart. It sounded different in my head the second time.
"You know," I said to myself, "you'd want people to be happy for you."
True.
"So be happy for them; they're going to experience the joy of a child. This doesn't mean you won't..."
Also True. So instead of being negatively affected by the news, I chose to be happy and go towards all the feelings that ever make me sad/uncomfortable and get up close to them. Turns out that once you make that choice, to be happy, the negative feelings simply back down and fizzle; this last month has been the most joyous of my entire life.
Thanks for pissing me off, Kim. ;o)
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After making it through most of the day I was finally at home, sulking to myself. One of my blog-sisters, Kim, emailed me to see how I was doing and I spilled the beans. I expected her to agree, to comiserate with me, and to tell me things I wanted to hear. She didn't; she pissed me off.
She told me that she knows how frustrating it must be for me to be going through this in light of the announcement, but that I had to be happy for them.
WHAT?! But, but... ME!!! What about MEEEE?!
Her email continued, "the more joy you can let in your heart and less stress, the easier it will be to conceive."
WELL... hmm. Yeah... Maybe there's something to this...
So I thought about it. I examined where the pissed-off was coming from: me.
She doesn't know the people I work with; she knows and likes me. She wants to help me.
So I had to re-read the email with love in my heart. It sounded different in my head the second time.
"You know," I said to myself, "you'd want people to be happy for you."
True.
"So be happy for them; they're going to experience the joy of a child. This doesn't mean you won't..."
Also True. So instead of being negatively affected by the news, I chose to be happy and go towards all the feelings that ever make me sad/uncomfortable and get up close to them. Turns out that once you make that choice, to be happy, the negative feelings simply back down and fizzle; this last month has been the most joyous of my entire life.
Thanks for pissing me off, Kim. ;o)
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5 comments:
I know it's not easy - I am glad you realized that it was from my heart and because I love you and want only the best for you. We ALL fall into the trap you were in, it's not wrong, it's human...takes time... I am glad you are making the room in your soul for happiness :o)
@Kim I love you, too! I'm so glad you are my friend. :o)
great post...and great advice from Kim. We could all certainly use reminders like those every so often!
@Laura SO true! I'm glad I learned this now.
That is a great friend. It seems like an obvious qualifier but I've found there are only a handful of people who will tell you what you need to hear, most tell us what's easy to say. And she's right. The more happiness in your heart and less stress in your mind the more ready your body will be for what lies ahead :)
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