Tuesday was apparently "Try to Make Hillary Defend Her & Shawn's Parenting Choices Day." From cloth diapering to unmedicated birth, I was called stupid and received eye-rolls for things I really believe in. I don't remember how the cloth diapering came up at work, but I was asked directly if I was cloth diapering and when I replied "yes," I was told "You're stupid" by a mother of 2 children and a new dad of a baby under 6 months. I just shot back gently that "90% of babies were cloth diapered in the '50's," and that "it's our choice." We don't have a 1950's model washing machine... I'm sure it can be done now with the new technology of our fandangled agitator washer. I was lightly backed up by another person present who had actually been cloth diapered as a baby and he said his mom did just fine with it about 40 or 50 years ago.
I thought I had made it through the day with my one parenting mini-battle but it was not the case. Later we went to the hospital I chose in case we have a premature labor event (which WON'T happen) and we were touring with one other pregnant couple who were also expecting their first baby in just a few weeks. The nurse giving the tour asked if anyone was doing natural (unmedicated!) labor and birth and I waived my hand at her. I noticed the other mommy-to-be rolling her eyes at me and whispering something to her husband as the nurse began to explain how the hospital bed can change positions to assist with that process.
What. The. Fuck.I sat quietly and politely and listened when the nurse discussed epidurals and things that don't apply to me without judging her choices. That was really, really sad that she reacted to my choice. Every woman deserves respect and honor for her chosen and desired birth experience, whatever that may be. You don't have to agree with someone else's birth plan, but it's not yours; you won't have to go through her birth. As a fellow woman I support any woman's choices during her birth that she wants to make because I would want the same respect to make my own choices during mine.
Everything at the hospital itself was pleasantly surprising and we feel really good if we have to end up there for something so unpleasant to experience as the fear of premature labor and delivery (which WON'T happen).
After the tour I asked Shawn if he saw her do that and he said that yes, he had. Then I told him about the cloth diaper war and we had a long discussion about commonality with the birth experience and what happens when someone chooses something less common. The plain fact of the matter is that a lot of people have epidurals and c-sections; a lot of people use disposable diapers; and a lot of people find out the sex of the baby before it is born. So when people find out through their own inquiries that we are doing none of those things, I don't think people believe it, so they scoff. They probably have no first-hand experience doing what we are going to attempt and have possibly never even had second-hand experience through anyone else. But that's the thing: these are all experiences that are individual to each person going through them. No birth experience is the same, ever. We can all learn from each other so be curious, not judgemental.
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6 comments:
God, this makes me so mad! Like I said in my last comment, these people should be ashamed of themselves. I can't believe someone would call you "stupid" like that. I wish I was there to tell her off for you! Keep your head up, sweetie, and remember that there are lots of us who love and support you. I'm off now to make my predictions using your link now, too!
P.S. I just want to add that in my experience, it's much more common to hear people put down for NOT choosing cloth diapers, natural birth, etc. I think where we live really makes an impact, and people everywhere need to stop being so critical and mind their own business.
Again, ditto to what Heather said. Hi Heather, we should be friends ;)
Also, in my last comment I said people would be shocked if you were going to have a hospital delivery. Now I see you're not planning one (if all goes well). Good for you!! Again, my mom planned to have me at home with a midwife, but then I came early and the hospital wouldn't let her leave once they realized she was in labor. Disappointment.
But anyhow, I think it's silly and hard to fathom that 1) people don't understand a more natural approach and 2) they feel the need to disregard or judge you for your choices.
In fact, it sounds very backwards.
yikes, this is so upsetting to hear and read, and I can only imagine how frustrated you are. Obviously, I don't know yet if I will one day cloth diaper, or have a natural childbirth, but they are absolutely things I will consider. However, if I decide to go this route one day...I will probably always answer questions like these with "We're still deciding" or "I'll have to see..." to just avoid the topic all together. No, no one should feel ashamed of their decisions or feel like they have to hide them...but I know how angry it will make me to hear things like this, and will probably try to avoid even giving someone the chance to offend me at all costs. I'm sure your coworkers were just making friendly conversation, but it's nobody's business but your own, especially if they are going to react the way they did.
I just do not understand why people can't just be supportive! It is your decision, you are the parents! I am always hearing about these issues, and it just makes me sad. Why the need to tear down others if they make different decisions than you do? Good for you guys to sticking to your choices, and not letting others get you down, it really shows what wonderful, thoughtful parents you will soon be. :)
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with so much judgement from others. There isn't one right way. I really wish people would realize, understand and accept this simple truth.
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