Being Pregnant is Weird

My belly LAST week!

At just about 14 weeks, no one is more amazed at how fast this is going than I.
I could go on about all the little changes happening; the little pinches, pops and twitches in my belly; or how I somehow received implants gradually over the course of the last 10 weeks and have no memory of it whatsoever. But instead I just want to put it out there: being pregnant... is WEIRD.
Some days I lay on my side, imagining the fruit-sized fetus inside me wriggling with life and its own heartbeat and I get as teary and excited as the first day I found out it was finally in there.
Other days I sit and feel the new pressure in my uterus, the sensations of what must be the baby rolling and turning in its small space only to get the sensation that I've been holding a snake and I'd  like to put it-down-NOW. NOW. NOWNOWNOW. But I can't; I have to keep holding it.
Like I said: it's weird.

I also go from being very happy and excited for a few days, almost completely worry-free, and then I get overwhelmed and wonder if we did this at the right time. I also obsessively fear miscarrying and being in a car accident while pregnant every few days.
I blame hormones entirely. And lack of sleep.

Sleep is like something entirely new now. I sleep whenever and wherever I am able to do so for an hour or more. Sleep is also the 3-4 hour stints of rest I get at night between trips to the toilet and the pantry. I used to get so much sleep that I dreamed crazy pregnant dreams; now my sleep is so broken I haven't dreamed in almost a month.

Eating is still what my life revolves around. Every hour or two (sometimes 2 and a half) I must eat, or die... not really, but if I don't eat I'll puke and that hurts like I could be dying when my stomach is empty. This is why I not only visit the toilet in the wee (ha!) hours of the morning, but also the pantry: the baby bitch-slaps me with early morning (3:40 AM) hunger-induced nausea. What works the best and buys me the most time back asleep are my homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
The nausea I still have is almost always due to hunger. I have to be eating 2 hours after the last time I started to eat or else I'm asking to get sick. Yesterday I stayed on schedule and I still threw up, so who knows? As soon as I figure out my pattern I have a weird day or a new variable to toss into the mix, like sneezing. If I'm starting to get nauseous I sneeze. Sometimes the nausea goes away after I sneeze and sometimes it's a warning that puke is imminent.
Like I said: weird.

Pregnancy isn't at all anything that I thought it would be.

Crochet Sleepy Owl Baby Cocoon and Hat by HiLLjO

Before we got pregnant I used to make a lot of things for other people with babies or for those waiting for their babies to be born but only made one thing for our own child that I wasn't even sure would fit. Luckily, I now know it will fit in the late winter after baby is born.
I ordered more yarn with each negative test, dreaming of the day I'd be able to pick up my hook and skeins armed with a due date, and thus a timeline of ages/sizes, with which to make our baby enough items to be draped in mommy-made crochet almost daily.
With the first trimester over in a mere 2 days, I have now only made one thing for our baby since getting pregnant. It's cute, I'll give you that, but it's ONE THING. I need to get busy...
If you would like the pattern for this cocoon/hat let me know, or you can just order one here!!!

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #39

What a week! It seemed long but now that it's Friday it feels like it went fast.
I am kind of giddy so today's list of tings I love are all over the place :o)

1. I love that I am gaining such a realistic point of view of my pregnancy as time goes on.
2. I love that I'm suprisingly enjoying my friends and family touching my slightly protruding bump. I thought I would hate it, but I love it! Especially when Shawn pats the baby goodnight.
3. I love how much I eat. It's hiiiiilarious to me; I have never eaten this much. I used to be the queen of forgetting to eat.
4. I'm drinking lots and lots of water again! YAY!
5. I love that my body when from Rh- to Rh+ so I don't need a Rhogam shot! YESSSS!!!
6. I have yoga'd everyday this week! WUTTT!!!
7. I haven't puked at ALL in 2 DAYS! YES! ON MY OWN!

Have a great weekend, everyone! Only 6 days until Thanksgiving!

PS: baby is the size of the apple in the photo above!!! CRAZY!

12 Week Appointment Update!



Our baby will make this baby look like a pansy...

Just a quick note about our appointment on Tuesday: everything is great!
The doctor used the doppler device to find the baby's heart beat. It's a very healthy 159bpm! At first it was difficult to find because the baby likes to snuggle up to my uterine artery to feel the pulsing of my heart, so we could actually hear both mine and the baby's hearts at once. It was cute.
After listening to the baby alone for a few seconds the doppler sounds "warbled" and then the heart noise resumed to which the doctor advised, "The baby kicked at the doppler!"
This baby takes no shits. I hope I'm passing on the strength I am gaining to him or her... I am no longer taking shits from anyone (at work specifically) either.

12 Weeks

Blue is cartilage and Purple is bone forming in its stead.
Via

Today/tomorrow marks the 12 weeks pregnant point.
This means a lot of things: the entire first trimester is behind us. There is less than a 1% chance of miscarriage now. The organs are all almost formed and everything about the baby is just going to grow and get bigger now.

Today we are going to go see if we can hear the heartbeat. We're kind of excited... ;o)

Peace + Pregnant Cavewomen + Dingos

Monday I removed my medicine pump. The side effects were making me miserable and I needed a break. I was scared to start vomiting again, but it has been almost a full 48 hours and I only gagged a bit this morning because I didn't eat in time. Other than hungry nausea, I am fine!

I returned to yoga again, every day so far for at least 10 minutes. I also meditate/pray and that has been the most powerful mechanism for me in the last 5 days. I don't dislike being pregnant anymore. Feeling connected with myself and the Universe once again has calmed me greatly and even started to make me like my body again. This morning I thought I looked pretty finally. For the first time in a long time.

Being pregnant ain't no picnic, but it is important and amazing. Of all the crafty things I do and make, this baby is by far the coolest thing I have ever made with my body. It's hard to explain the peace that came over me last night during my meditation. It did make me consciously realize that I have become something I always wanted to be as well... a Wild Human.

By Wild Human, I mean driven by instinct and removed from the domestication of the masses, then left to evolve separately from the pack into something similar to but not like a domestic human at all. It's almost like being a human-dingo.

Being pregnant, something so ancient yet still common among human women, is very primal. You are driven by food almost entirely; your day revolves around eating. I eat more than 5 times a day! Even though they are small meals and snacks, that's a lot of time taken up for the sole purpose of foraging, gathering and eating.

Pregnant women are also driven by hormones, the most primal of all chemical messengers. I am feeling all sorts of things everyday. It makes me very defensive in lots of different ways: I cry (defense mechanism), become irrational (reassurance/isolation mechanism), and can be very sensitive at times (protective mechanism). Some thoughts that come into my head of the irrational variety I know must have been thought by pregnant cave women long ago. There's no other way to explain some of these feelings.

So for now I go forth with my shiny pregnant hair and long pregnant fingernails, both of which are growing like mad, and enjoy today. Because that's all I have for sure and I don't want to take any of it for granted.

I'm growing a human; this is awesome.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #38 - Confessions

It's been a while, hasn't it? Almost a month, actually. A wild month...

I was going to recap what I went through but really, I just can't.
Suffice it to say being pregnant is not rainbows and lollipops; it is not fun to me at all. I'm happy I'm finally pregnant and the baby is healthy whenever we get checked, but this is no damn picnic. I am 10 weeks pregnant this week and feeling every bit of it.
All the notions I had about being glowy, experiencing brief nausea, eating as I always have, and walking on air are no longer clouding my head.
I have pimples everywhere where I once had beautiful skin; I won't even go into how bad the morning sickness has been (IV fluids... *cough*cough*); I eat like I used to when I was a child (and suffer the after-effects. Kim, you know...); and I don't even know whose boobs I have on my body right now but they are not mine.
I no longer know my body. It has become a stranger.
I fell off the yoga, meditation and astrology wagon. I no longer even think like myself anymore. I'm stressed, tired, and so-so-so emotional all the time. I started praying again this week, though. I had been a bit, but not as much like I used to at all. It's helping.

So today, even though I am being so hard on myself lately, I must say:
I love me because

1. At work, I just can't bring myself to GAF about all the idiots anymore. There are some lovely people here that really do care, and I concern myself with them.
2. I take it easy; I have no choice, but I still am gentle with myself.
3. Even in my pregnancy-induced insanity, I recognize how amazing Shawn is and how much he helps me. I'd be dead by now without him, many times over. Or in jail...
4. My nails are growing like a mutha... they're pretty.

That's it for now, everyone. Have a nice weekend and pray for the East Coast.
Take care.