It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #33

via K. Carter 

I'm so, so glad it is Friday! I have a lot to look forward to today and this weekend!

• Massage with Shawn tonight at Oasis
• Fire Spinning Show
• 2nd Full Moon in August is tonight! Technically not a true blue moon, but still cool.

So today I look back on the week and remember some reasons I love myself:

1. My hair is soooo pretty today. I might do a DIY hair post on it.
2. When people try to say mean things it doesn't make a reaction in me like it used to anymore.
3. I love that pug.
4. I AM NOT CHARTING OR TEMPING OR ANYTHING. Sorry, but that's a big deal!
5. I have been trying to make sure Shawn knows how much I love him.
6. I'm being gentler with myself.
7. I'm changing one of my behavior patterns that deprives me of being all, "DAMN MY LIFE IS AWESOME." Cuz it is, really.

Have a nice (hopefully) 3-day weekend, everyone! You know how we loooove our Mondays (1, 2) off!

Every 4 Years



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 I'm sure I've done it many times, but this is the first time I have ever written it down.

Every 4 years I change--drastically, consciously. And then over the course of those years I grow into all the changes I make and I arrive--briefly. Then the realization of continuous change sets in and I begin to grow again. I'm like a quadrennial flower.

This time I am trying to grow into something that will help me to walk in the shoes that are too big now and will be too snug once again in 4 years: to stop being so hard on myself while I grow.
It is so frustrating to be where I am and to only want to be where I am going that I can get lost along the way in fits of harshness towards myself, "Why aren't you a better person yet?!"

Not this time. I'm going to enjoy growing up and up and have compassion for myself like I do for others. Then maybe the feeling of blossoming will come in whispers, and finally burst before briefly waning and beginning again.

Stop Worrying // Have Faith

I am dealing a lot lately with learning to let go of fear in order to be happy. It is my tendency to worry and to concern myself with things until I only make it worse. I also have a tendency to persevere through extreme hardship with strength and faith. I am going to try and make a conscious effort to remind myself that "I am safe" anytime in the future when I start to worry.
Hopefully I can make the most of my energy and its relationship with the moon and its nodes.

It's Friday, I LoVE... my family!

This week, though challenging, reminded me of how strong I am and how much I love my family. We are strong together, and we have so much love for each other.

Shawn and I are doing very well. We're ready for more adventures of all kinds and have discovered the mindset that the future baby had better get ready for US.

---

I had been suffering anxiety since Monday after I knew this cycle was a bust again. My parents invited us to dinner at their house which took a huge burden off of my back as the last thing I wanted to do was to cook. My mom's roast is like eating a hug.

I tried to chill out but I had chest pains from my muscles tightening and even experienced a panic attack while Shawn was trying to take me out for sushi and a Mai Tai on Tuesday. I went to the doctor yesterday and asked for anxiety medication. I also had my blood ran for pituitary abnormalities (all normal!) and my thyroid checked (also normal!) so I am balanced in the hormone department... And I don't really want to take it the medication.
I just started feeling like me; I don't want to lose that--or my libido (need that to make a baby, people!)--by taking medication that could cause panic attacks...
I slept on the decision and woke up today with no chest pain and a kick-ass attitude.
I also woke up to see that the huge, painful hematoma from the blood draw had flattened, leaving a lovely array of blues, pinks and purples in my elbow-pit. It doesn't hurt anymore either!

I won't go into detail because it's not about me, but Grandpa had a stroke and is recovering now. I always love being in a room full of our family, and I still felt like that last night even though the room was a hospital room. Grandpa's still very much himself, muttering an "Aww, hell" every now and again.

I'm glad it's Friday and that I have such a wonderful and large family that cares for each other.
Keep us all in your thoughts, prayers and meditations. You're in ours!

I bought more yarn to help mend our broken hearts...

When I made the crochet baby hoodie I sized it for a 9-month old. I realize now that I may be hosed...  the biggest a baby born ASAP would be in December is 6 months. It's just made of the nicest yarn I had ever bought... so I just bought more.

I'm saving this business for when I know for sure how big the baby will be the December after he or she is in there for a while. Isn't it pretty?

"Sublime" for a girl. I just love this; it looks like cheshire cat fur.

"Sphere" for stripe A of a boy's sweater.
And "Summer Sky Heather" for stripe B.

Kind of excited... I can't lie.

In the meantime at work everyone around me is popping out babies or squeeing news of "I'm/My Wife is pregnant." I'm serious--I'm not being sensitive; check out all the hats I've made for people this month.

And I'm still working on a gajillion other projects! They keep me busy and happy.



Today in Photos

I'm stealing Melissa's blog feature idea today and posting how I feel in photos.
This cycle was apparently not the one, though my body tells me we're getting close now.

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We have too much time on our hands today...

So we balled up a bunch of my yarn (seen hoarders? Yeah... That but all yarn in my yarn room) and noticed the cones for some spools make excellent sundaes... That are inedible.

Transformation Complete

I have done it.



I am me.



SO me.

I have wings.
I have bared my soul to my kindred spririt, Shawn.
I know in my heart more than I could ever learn from the outside.

And I am so happy.

I'm going on a blog-and-work staycation from now until Monday 8/20/12 for the rest of the two week wait. I hope to come back with good news; keep praying, hoping, meditating and colloiding that light you're making for me in the form of sticky baby thoughts.

Love to you all. Namaste.

Broiler S'mores

The broiler: the most forgotten kitchen appliance. It's not stand-alone so we forget it's there, but it's too useful to call a mere "feature" of the oven. I use my broiler all the time. It's the only way I cook fish, make toast and [now] make s'mores.

Simply stack your ingredients starting with a graham cracker on a pan while the broiler heats up, then place the pan on the top shelf and watch for the marshmallows to turn brown, get bigger and then just start to smoke. It takes about 1 to 2 minutes for ooey, gooey perfection.

MAKE SURE TO WATCH THEM THE WHOLE TIME.

Devour 3 to 10 times a week like we do ;o)

More Dreams: Go with the flow

You know how I am with my dreams. They're very symbolic and very intertwined with my subconcious. I've dissected my dreams on the blog before, and now I have another one!

In April my subconcious was pointing out that I was starting to value myself again finally, even the parts that weren't "all there" yet. I was also starting to find myself but was held back by fear. Last night my dreams showed me that I have reached a turning point: it's time to go with the flow. I'm a happy person because I decide to be; I am making efforts everyday to connect and stay connected with people (especially my parents and Shawn); and that it's time to just relax and enjoy being alive with all that I have learned. Plus, it literally symbolizes that this cycle could be the winning cycle of this Summer's Baby Lottery!

My dream:

Shawn, myself and my parents were at a waterpark. We were on a waterslide in little leaf-shaped things, floating down the stream of water. I noticed that there were very small requiem sharks (sandbar sharks?) swimming in the water against the flow of the slide. I stood up, trying to jump in and stop them or to get out when my mom called out ahead of me in the stream that it was "OK. There's nothing to be afraid of." I decided to stay in the raft with/near Shawn and finished riding the waterslide and woke up.

From Dream Moods:

Water Park
To dream that you are in a water park indicates that you are expressing an emotional high point. You are feeling emotionally satisfied and fulfilled.

Waterslide
To dream that you are on or see a waterslide suggests that you are being carried away by your emotions. You are being engulfed by your subconscious. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are going with the flow of things without any objection or resistance.

 

Floating

To dream that you are floating in water suggests that you have a handle on your emotions.

 

Water
To see water in your dream symbolizes your subconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To hear running water in your dream denotes meditation and reflection. You are reflecting on your thoughts and emotions.

Shark
To see a shark in your dream indicates feelings of anger, hostility, and fierceness.

Fish
To see fish swimming in your dream signifies insights from your subconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish represents insights which have been brought to the surface. Alternatively, a fish swimming in your dream may symbolize conception. Some women dream of swimming fish when they get pregnant.

Here's to no more overthinking... and a lot more enjoying.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #31

I am soooo soooo glad it is Friday. Gonna make some cookies later...


I do not know where Cookie Bunnay comes from, but I love it. 

 Today I love me because:

1. I missed what I thought would be my testing date this month without even thinking about it.
2. We're taking a stay-cation next weekend. Woohoo, sleeping in!
3. I believe we're in the two-week wait again.
4. My hair has been awesome for a little while now...
5. I signed a Petition against Public Schools forcing pregnancy tests on female would-be students (and denying them the opportunity to be students if the tests are positive).

Have a nice weekend!
If you're in a reading mood, check out the Denver trip: day 1, 2, 3
Or the fried avocado recipe.

Panko Avocado Fries

I have been seeing and hearing a lot about fried avocadoes lately and since we eat so many already, I knew we had to try them this way. Yesterday I got myself a box of Panko bread crumbs (like they use for tempura) and got to making some of my own.

I used:
1 almost-ripe avocado (very firm with a bit of 'give')
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup Panko bread crumbs
1 dash each salt, black pepper, chili powder

1/4 cup sunflower oil
coarse sea salt

Mix the dry breading ingredients in a bowl and set aside. Start a wide saucepan on medium heat with sunflower oil.

Cut avocado in half around pit, discard pit.
Slice lengthwise through the avocado fruit carefully, then slide a spoon between the skin and the fruit itself; slices will pop right out.

Coat each slice with breading mixture, firmly pressing the Panko mixture into the avocado so it sticks. Repeat until coated with all slices.

Carefully place each coated slice into the hot oil and cook for 1-2 minutes per side. Remove from oil with metal slatted spoon and drain on paper towel/dish rag. Salt generously and devour!

I think we may have to try fried guacamole bites, too. Guacamole, cheddar, mayo and bacon balled up, rolled in Panko, and then fried.

Yes.

Happy Engageversary!

Today marks the day that Shawn asked me to be his wifey 2 years ago! Wow!
Happy Engageversary, love! 10 months until we've been married for 2 years!

This photo is OLD!!!

Last year's Engageversary.
Proposal Story.

Denver : Day 3

If you missed Day 1 or Day 2 in Denver, you can read them and catch up if you like! You can also just jump right in, as Day 3 was SOMUCHFUNITWASBANANAS.

We woke up after noon--again (hey, what are vacations for?)--and were very hungry. I looked up some places near the Great Divide Brewery we planned to tour and (thought) selected one. We parked near the restaurant and started down the block, only to be stopped in our tracks by a sidewalk sign for Biker Jim's boasting gourmet hotdog combos (Reindeer hotdog???) with fries and a PBR for under $9.

I don't even know why we kept walking after that, but what matters is we turned around and knew we had to have a reindeer-dog.

\\Stripe//

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE!!! #30

Sorry recapping Denver is taking so long! There's 2 more days ahead to give you the low-down on, so look for that next week! Day 1 and Day 2 are here if you haven't seen them.

1. I have been so busy at work and home that I haven't had much time for anything, but I have made time everyday for my yoga and meditation, even if I have to "trick" myself into starting. And that can be #1 for today...
2. I have been eating so well this week to get my body on track.
3. The OPK's are not driving me crazy; I wield more power than them.
4. I will not be complacent about anything from now on; if it's an issue, I address it--now. The last 2 days have been better for that.
5. I give up on Fertility/Conceiving Forums. Some bitches ladies... be actin' crazy. Always. Everywhere.
6. I only share personal information about ME on my blog, the internet, etc.

Have a nice weekend! Get some relaxation time in for sure!

If you don't like my blog, don't come read it.

Anyone who thinks I give two shits about how much you "know about me" from this blog is missing the point...

This is a personal blog. It's personal. It's all about me and how I feel and what I think.
If you don't like it, don't come read it. I'm not changing and this is a perfectly appropriate platform to say whatever I want because it is MINE. If you choose to take on bad karma and use anything "against me" you should know that I consider that your problem. I wouldn't put anything out there on the PUBLICK INTERNETS if I didn't want it to be known. Duh.
I'm choosing to live my ONE life openly: with an open heart, open mind and open mouth. If you have something to say about my innnermost thoughts and feelings, get your own blog and bitch away. I'll applaud from the sidelines.

Three things are for sure though: I don't judge; I don't care what you think; and I'm glad you're here if you want to be.


Rock and roll on.

TMI Post #2: Late... Not the good kind.

If you're following along on the Baby Journey, you may know that at this time last month we were already in the two week wait before taking a pregnancy test.


Egg Timer

This month, we're still not quite there yet.