TMI Post #1: What "trying" means to Us.

Over the weekend following the Friday post several family members showed me their love by making their best attempts at making me feel better.

"don't stress."
"just relax."
"stop trying."

However, it should be noted that "don't stress" and "just relax" has never been good fertility advice and it never will be; it actually makes the person trying to conceive stress more and relax less. Besides, it's hurtful to be told "don't feel this way" when you are allowing yourself to feel however you want... feelings aren't wrong; only what you do with them can be. It would be much more gentle to simply ask, "how are you feeling?" than to assume I'm feeling upset, stressed, or anything else! I'd love the chance to discuss my feelings by starting the conversation with that question than starting from a defensive place because the way I feel has been assumed.
And the bit about "stop trying" doesn't sound as bad as it might seem: it's meant more like, "just let it happen."  But if you knew what our definition of "trying" was in the first place this might seem (and did for a minute) like a suggestion that we shouldn't have children at all.

So if you would like me to explain what we mean by "we're trying," click the link below to continue after the jump.

How's ____-planning going?

All around me life is changing, moving, growing. People are getting married, moving, buying a home, waiting for their babies to be born. Our very own life is changing, too! But amidst the social discussion, I am left wanting to share with no one to oblige me.
"How's wedding planning?"
          "Did you pick a color for the kitchen?"
"Which OB are you seeing?"

None of these questions are for me. I am expected to pick one up that shoddily resembles an expression of my curiosity and pose it forth, another spectator aimlessly trying to increase the space between the clock hands before going back to my desk.

BUT, BUT, but I have NEWS, tooo!!!! Exciting NEWWWWWS!

"Yes, yes I do," I tell myself... "we're trying have a baby."
But the topic is so tip-toed around... if no one is there telling you all your reasons are wrong or that you're approaching it wrong way #2,041 of 1,000,000, they have nothing to say about this genuinely-awesome chunk of news.
I don't think they're disinterested in the fact that we are trying to have a child but I believe that they simply don't know what to ask or to say. Planned pregnancies in our social circle are not exactly an abundant occurrence either, so that adds to the weird-factor in discussions. So what do you ask someone who is trying to conceive? Anything you'd ask a newly-pregnant person.

1. Do you have any names/colors/rooms picked out for future baby?
2. Have you thought about where you'd like to have the baby?
3. Have you found any cute things to buy yet?
4. Are you trying for a boy or a girl?
5. Do you plan to find out the sex?
6. What month would the baby be born if you got pregnant this month?
7. Is life changing already in preparation?
8. What are you most excited/anticipating/scared to go through?
9. Have you picked any preferences for diapers/sleeping arrangements/daycare?
10. Are you preparing freezer meals before the baby arrives?

Obviously "How many months have you been trying?" isn't on the list; as I said, the topic is sensitive. Anything relating to infertility or difficulty should be avoided unless the other person brings up the issue. It's best to keep the questions general and positive to guage the mood of the conversation and encourage the TTC'er to share only as much as he or she is comfortable with.

Do you have any good questions to add to the list?
Leave them in the comments!