Crochet Baby Hoodie by HiLLjO

Last week I started (and finished) a crochet baby hoodie for our future firstborn. I was trying to hold out until I was actually pregnant to make it, but I could no longer resist that yarn!!!

The pocket opens in the top to stash a bottle, face wipe, or biter biscuit.

Yes, yes I did buy an entire hank of additional yarn to make just this pocket...

If you LOVE this hoodie, it is based off my FREE crochet baby hoodie pattern!If you would like one made for a friend, family member, or even yourself email me!

I even make them in grownup-people sizes!

 :o)

Constructive vs. Destructive

CAUTION: Post content briefly mentions "pee sticks" and ovulation.

The new moon came and went yesterday. This time of the month is a good time to "work in" what we have learned recently and to toss out that which does us no good.
Over the last month we have tossed out the boy baby names (sorry guys), the self-censorship that feels "safe," and the last bits of self-dishonesty I hope to incur. I also tossed out something that I haven't shared yet: OPK's. I wasn't sure what they would bring me, but I thougth they would help (or at least couldn't hurt). I thought I was being constructive.
OPK's look like home pregnancy tests (HPT's) but instead they indicate that ovulation is imminent (in 12-36 hours). Also unlike HPT's a line is not a line on OPK's: it must be a dark line to be "positive."

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After 8 days of trying these mo-fo's I have had it. These bishes [sic] are destructive to me.You'd think I was getting a negative HPT with every negative OPK. Some were darker than others, leading me down the road to the crazy-town where they wield rulers marked with millimeters and measure just what perecentage of the test line is as dark or darker than the control line. 50%? TEST AGAIN!!!
So none of that. I went home, went to my 24-packs of OPK's, and effing HID THEM from myself.

I proceeded to do yoga for almost an hour. Now that's constructive. I also went to fetch my yarn I sourced after designing future-baby a hoodie, and started the damn thing. I finished it, too. Constructive, also.

Should I get more yarn to make a pocket?

Yes. Yes, I should...



I felt guilty starting and finishing a project that I have only had on my plate for a little over a month when I have soooo many others to finish, but I had a block in my creativity from not letting myself make this. So all of you that have slippers, illustrations, and other goodies and bits coming to you: lo, I have not forgotten. Oh, no. It's just taking me FOREVAR. But one day you'll go to your mailbox and you'll be pleasantly surprised. Promise.

2012-2013 Mantras

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While I meditate and do yoga I repeat positive things to myself that are helpful throughout my day no matter what I am doing. To share (and so I remember!!!) here are some good ones:

"I am safe."
"Open my heart. As wide as it can be."
"I am love."
"Everything is as it should be."
"I am relaxed."

After taking a peek at my natal chart I realized that the "5th House" associated with children/first pregnancy... is empty. This doesn't mean I won't have children; this means I won't have to focus or try too hard... hopefully. There are signs very near the House however, that I feel are things to take into consideration while we are trying to have a baby. Based on these I am adding several new mantras to my collection:

"Take care of yourself."
"Be healthy."
"No guilt."
"Work hard."
"Do it your own unique way."

I love how they all kind of tie together; it wouldn't be hard to write a paragraph interconnecting them in some way. Do you use/have mantras?

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #23

What a week! I think everyday being jam-packed with things made it go by fast. Amidst the routine this week was a bit of humor in the form of Mama Kitty and her cardboard home security... device. Random I know, but funny? You bet your buns.

Today I love me because:

1. I have been active for a whole week! Walking 10 minutes a day, doing Yoga every other day for 10-30 minutes is the current regimen. I feel sooo much better and more flexible again.
2. I made good Anniversary dinner with loves.
3. I found near-immediate peace after Cosmo left us.
4. I took good advice when it was hard.
5. The doulas I found are awesome ladies.
6. I make sure we're eating lots of different things to get lots of good baby-making nutrients!
7. I picked me out a good hubby. ;o)

Have a nice weekend!!!

TTC Adventure #1: Meet some doulas.

It's only the 4th and the first month of TTC is flying by! Today we have our first appointment with a Doula after we are both home from work. Her name is Shannon and we're very excited to meet with her!

You may be wondering, "What is a doula?" Wikipedia says:

A doula (pronounced "doó la", also known as a labour coach and originating from the Ancient Greek word δούλη meaning female servant or slave) is a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth, as well as her partner and/or family by providing information, physical assistance, and emotional support. The provision of continuous support during labour by doulas, or nurses, family, or friends, is associated with improved maternal and fetal health and a variety of other benefits.

So basically she would help us along with the midwife throughout the birth if it goes as "planned" as well as if a transfer to the hospital is needed. I consider a doula invaluable to us should we end up at the hospital; they can be great at helping you maintain your emotional focus with your partner while medical interventions can be negotiated along with your needs by the midwife. At home, I think she would help to do things like get pillows, towels, etc. while Shawn would stay with me the whole time. A lot of first-time dads/non-birthing parents take mild offense to the idea of a doula because they want to be the one to support their partner and think this job is being taken away by a doula. This is not so; they actually do a lot of work so that the parents can stay together and support each other!
So we have decided a doula would be helpful for our situation and plan to meet with 3 this month.

Some information I have found helpful:

DONA International
Doula.com
Do Doulas Replace Dads?
Differences between Doulas and Midwives
Choosing a Midwife or Doula

Would you use a doula?

Testing, Testing, Oh! It's on!

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It has come to my attention via Blog Stats that I am gaining traffic via Bloglovin's Facebook app. This, to me, is exciting--and frightening... my blog can get purtttty personal, sometimes borderline TMI. Although I'm very open, there's some people I just don't want sharing in this exciting time of our life... I've learned that there are people to not include.
So while I am concerned that people will not be respective of my privacy and will choose to share whatever news I have whenever I have some, I cannot change myself for those people. And that is just another reason they are missing out on how awesome our family is and will be; they'll only get to experience half of it, as I do not share my everyday life with them.

If you choose to include yourself in this journey starting officially (OMGZ!!!) tomorrow, welcome.
This is gonna be awesome.

Long Weekend Funk

After not having time nor mood to blog since last week, I'm still in my funk. I just don't want to work today or do anything that requires Shawn and I to be apart. We love our Mondays off together, especially.

Saturday had quite the bright spot to it even though it was busy, busy, busy. We had a baby shower and graduation to go to, and to pick up the gifts for both... great planning, I know. We got ready, went to Target, and headed to the baby shower. Once there, I found myself feeling proud for being truly happy for my friend and her partner as she hugged me with her 8-month belly. It didn't make me sad, jealous, or resentful; my heart is starting to burst open to all kinds of joy instead of just my own. As if a reward for my progress one of our mutual work friends came in with her children: her 3 year-old son (with darling rosy cheeks) and her *gasp!* 5-week old daughter!!! I haven't been able to hold a baby since the affliction of the babycrack! For the first time in my life I felt no fear as she let me hold her, so hold her I did. I don't know how long I held that little baby but she was so sweet and so awake. When I commented on her alertness her mom told me "Oh, she won't sleep during the day!"

About twenty minutes later she fell asleep. I beamed.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #20

Happy Friday.

Today I love me because:

1. After a dark week, I'm back; happy and healthy and prepping for future baby some more.
2. I look like my mom :o)
3. I am re-examining what it means to be me, as I am about to change even more.
4. After the loss of a furbaby, I put my Mommy-in-Training pants on and kept on. I had to make cookies + tea and got. it. done.
5. People are having more difficulty finding their way under my skin anymore.

Have a nice weekend.

Mid-Century Modern Thayer High Chair

If you didn't see my Mother's Day post, go see me and my cute mom here. Until this morning all I knew about this chair was that it is beautiful. It's in great condition and even has the wood tray instead of plastic. This morning I learned that this item is a rare antique... and I got it for $20. I don't think anyone would begrudge me not waiting until we were pregnant to buy this.

I cleaned it up with mild soap and water and it sits in the garage currently, waiting for a baby bum to sit. Cleaning it up staved off the baby fever quite well, along with our other plan: every month that we don't get pregnant, we will do something immature and fun that we couldn't do otherwise. For June it's boxed-wine races in teams of 2 with our friends James and Scott. We'll let you know how that goes.

Motherhood is Not a Fix-All

Some women think a baby will "fix" a relationship.
It won't.
Some women think a baby will put an end to all the things you don't like about yourself.
It won't.
A lot of women think that once they're a mom they will be ( and have to be) pefect.
They don't.
I won't.

I read a very scary article that is being touted as "honest." Just because it's honest doesn't mean it should be passed off to the masses as normal or OK. I don't think it's OK that the author feels the way she does at home (angry and resentful: her words, not mine) with her children or towards her work-out-of-the-house spouse. I mean, unless she wants to feel that way... but it doesn't sound like it.
Some things I noticed in her post are self-imposed problems: she expects herself to be perfect; she looks at her husband working as him "getting to be 'out all day'"; she focuses on all the hard things she does; she expects to be able to do everything {often on her own} with 3 CHILDREN, 6 and under; and she expects to be involved in a lot of school-functions. She says the only time she feels truly happy is when she is out of the house with the children.

Now I have NO IDEA what having 1 (let-alone 3) child is like and how hard it is, but I do know about being married and some of the lessons are transferrable. I've also learned a lot about myself in the past year or so and those lessons are universal. Shawn and I read and discussed the article together last night, and these are our collective thoughts:

Moms have to be Perfect
This is, frankly, stupid. Being a mother is not a given, not a default option for any woman. It is an exhausting choice among many choices women can make, and should be regarded as such instead of something women are "born to do" and "have to be." Mothers, like all women childless and otherwise, are people. People are not perfect. So perfect mom = not existent.

SAHM's/SAHD's Don't Work
This has recently been verbalized in the news and is one of the most detrimental thoughts in parent-culture, IMO. Staying at home with children ALL DAY, EVERYDAY has to be hard as hell. How many hours of Baby Einstein can you take? How many messes can you clean in one day while performing normal household chores?! It's HARD! But a working-outside-the-house parent is no more "out all day" than the SAHP is "lounging around in the house all day."
As long as a working partner and the SAHP have a mutual understanding that they are both doing all they can to contribute to the wellbeing of the child/ren, then there is no point in focusing on "who did the most laundry last week?" Focusing on the things you do versus the things your spouse does to support your household can be very damaging to your relationship and imposes a "me"versus "us" relationship... and last time I checked you don't marry yourself.

The Sun Never Says

Even after all this time

The sun never says to the earth,

"You owe Me."

Look what happens with

A love like that,

It lights the Whole Sky.

- Hafiz, from The Gift

Good Moms Do it All on Their Own

Pfffft! HA! Right. Good moms, and parents, all ask for help when they need it. They also simply take it when it is offered. We've all heard "It takes a village..." so build one, then use it. If parents don't get time to themselves and together alone they will lose it--and fast. Stress often doesn't creep up to bad levels until you already need a break, so take one when you can. Surround yourself with a support system made of people you trust, and call them when you need it.

Good Moms are there for EVERY Field Trip and Fundraising Campaign

Um, maybe if they have only one kid! I only say this even because my mom was a SAHM most of my childhood and she was just available most the time. When you have more than one child  you have to shift the priorities from the setting they were at with less children, or even with just one. More people that matter (kids, family) are demanding more from you so the people who don't matter as much (teachers, other moms) need to take a backseat. This way you can give the ones you love your best. No leftovers for family unless they're out of the fridge, folks.

SAHP are Inside All Day

If being inside with kids all day makes you batty, by all means, STAY THE EFF OUTSIDE ALL DAY. Sleep in, get up and get ready (yes, dressed and hair/makeup if you wear it) and go out for the day until working-outside-the-house parent comes home and then re-converge. SIMPLE.

As I stated, I am not a parent so I have no idea quite yet what it's like. I have a feeling, though, if I kept these things in mind that my husband and I came to after discussing this post I believe I'll be a happier mother. My opinion, my blog, my say.

I Replaced the Pill with a BBT

Download this Free BBT Chart for Degrees C or F HERE

Last week I had mentioned that I am pre-nesting and had purchased some things to help us prepare before we start actively trying in July. The Prenatal Vitamins and basal thermometer (BBT) came in the mail yesterday so I took a tablet after dinner with water and this morning recorded my first Basal Body Temperature. I almost forgot to take it and record it on the chart this morning since you have to do it even before you're "up" for the day out of bed. I layed there and waited for it to beep and then read it: 96.8F... I was instantly awake, "Is that right?" I asked Shawn, who was still mostly sleeping. He said something muffled by pillow and I just recorded it as it was. Turns out it is very normal to have a body temp between 96-98F upon waking. Who knew?!
So although I don't take a Pill everyday now, I still have to do this everyday. I find it easier to do something in the effort of getting pregnant versus in the effort of not getting pregnant, especially when I want a baby NAO. I'm also into the idea of knowing my body really well and seeing the patterns emerge. Overall, I'd describe myself currently as impatient.

LlamaLlamaLlamaLlama

So the yarn Mama Kitty was rolling around in on Friday is for a baby hoodie. I'm not giving it away or selling it but I plan to save it for our future child. It is 50% Peruvian Llama, 50% wool and it feels so nice. I've never had this nice of yarn before and I really think the color is gorgeous, too, albeit hard to find.

Instead of kaboshing everything I made for Omaha Fashion Week this year, I'm just making it for the future kids and saving it for whenever that happens. It's close enough to Try-Time to start preparing tangible things for a baby, in our opinion. We also ran into (almost literally) a yard sale yesterday and found a vintage high chair that is EFFING BEAUTIFUL for $20. It's baby blue, has a maple tray, and even converts to a chair/table combo.

I know a lot of the baby things I'm making and finding are blue, but since we're going gender-neutral with our parenting style I don't think it matters. I'll have pictures of the high chair after I clean it up! BRACE YO'SELF! It's PURTY!