Home Birth Decision

Before becoming pregnant, I considered myself very spiritual. I meditated everyday and did a 20-minute yoga flow almost as often. I felt close to Jah and to everything around me I felt a deep, divine love.
Now that I am pregnant, and very-much so, this has become invaluable to me. My faith in Jah is the strongest it has ever been in my life. I believe it is because I came to it myself after many years of being raised to Believe in the "Western" way, calling Him by the names of God and Jesus in a church full of white people. Searching for, finding, and adapting what feels right regarding my faith has taken years, but it has enriched my soul to the point that I can feel Divine Love, as I walk every step of every day, from its very source.
Jah is everywhere, and it's very apparent if you are looking. When I need comfort I often find traces of Him in nature and I am reminded I am never alone and never without Love and all the wonderful things that come with it, like protection.

Until a Quickie-Ultrasound machine comes out akin to the X-ray screens in cartoons where you stand behind it and can instantly see inside your body, you usually don't get to actually see your baby that often while you are pregnant. And if you haven't been able to feel baby move yet, the time between the first ultrasound and the next/last seems like an eternity and can be filled with worry for expecting mamas. Sometimes all you have to go on is the idea that unless something is really wrong, everything is probably fine. Probably. That is where Jah came in for me. I have been so ill this entire pregnancy that I worried and worried until one day I realized that He is protecting our baby better than I could ever hope to do on my own, and I lifted her up to Him. I prayed aloud for Jah to please hold her in his hands and keep her safe, and to quiet my heart in the knowledge that it is done and had been even before I asked.
Now our baby is viable, could be born at anytime in the next 8 weeks and most likely survive with the aid of medical attention in a hospital. I pray the baby cooks for longer and that this doesn't happen, too, but everything would be alright. So how do I need Jah now? I need Jah for myself. He needs me to listen right now.
At 20 weeks my home birth midwife was served with a warrant in my state and could no longer cross the state line for her own safety and well-being. I was devastated. I had only ever dreamed I would give birth at home, surrounded by my animals and being helped by my husband, doula and midwife. All of that was... gone. I dropped to my knees in desperation and prayed out at that moment for Jah to calm me and to show me, if it was His will, a midwife who would be able to support us for a home birth. This was 8 weeks ago.
She came over Monday. She's lovely and experienced, having worked in the field for over 6 years under the Midwife I originally had planned for our birth.
And I didn't feel how I thought I would feel. She feels better than the birth center, but I wasn't ready to jump in with paperwork and the whole shebang with her quite yet. I had to think and pray.

I remembered praying for a home birth midwife to be provided if that was what we were supposed to have. I got her.
I remember denying myself the carnal desire of family because of the possibly rocky road ahead attempting to become pregnant just 15 months earlier. And I did get pregnant.
And here we are.

I've decided: we're going to have a home birth. Just like I prayed for and dreamt about all year. And I will not be afraid, because although I will always need Jah right now he needs me--to listen to Him and to maintain my faith in Him.

Every little thing is gonna be alright. It's Irie, even.

"De Sunflower Ain't De Daisy"

De sunflower ain't de daisy, and de melon ain't de rose;
Why is dey all so crazy to be sumfin else dat grows?
Jess stick to de place yo're planted, and do de bes yo knows;
Be de sunflower or de daisy, de melon or de rose.
Don't be what yo ain't, jess yo be what yo is,
If yo am not what yo are den yo is not what you is,
If yo're jess a little tadpole, don't yo try to be de frog;
If yo are de tail, don't yo try to wag de dawg.
Pass de plate if yo can't exhawt and preach;
If yo're jess a little pebble, don't yo try to be de beach;
When a man is what he isn't, den he isn't what he is,
An' as sure as I'm talking, he's a-gwine to get his.

A Patois poem about being genuine and accepting yourself as you are, even if it wasn't what you had planned for yourself. OWN YOU. The sooner you do, the happier you will be.

Word

KRAMER: Do you ever yearn?
GEORGE: Yearn? Do I yearn?
KRAMER: I yearn.
GEORGE: You yearn.
KRAMER: Oh, yes. Yes, I yearn. Often, I...I sit...and yearn. Have you yearned?
GEORGE: Well, not recently. I craved. I crave all the time, constant craving...but I haven't yearned.
KRAMER (in disgust): Look at you.

OFW and Drunken Banana Bread

Happy Monday yet again!
The weeks are going by so fast. It seems like it was just New Year's, doesn't it?

Over the weekend we stayed snuggly and I even made banana bread! Well... Drunken Banana Bread!
I was reading about how Jamaicans love banana bread as their favorite "sweet ting" and that quite a few Jamaican Banana Bread recipes call for a hearty splash of rum.
I recommend more than 1 shot in your recipe and make sure you compensate extra flour for extra liquid added to the batter. I've shared the recipe here  if you want to give it a try! I made it for breakfast Sunday since we ran out of cereal and I couldn't have been more happy with how it tasted!

On another note, I'm in full-panic mode for Omaha Fashion Week. I have the pattern drafted and the fabric yardage calculated with math. It's quite odd to design a miniature wedding dress... same proportions, fabric and craftsmanship a regular-sized wedding dress will demand but in a third of the size. It's crazy!
I decided on my outfit for the Designer Application interview and I have to apply on Wednesday.

It's Friday, I'm in LoVE! #5

Wahoo for Friday, people! Happy Rastafarian Christmas, too!

Tree by Juan Luna

I love me because:

1. I have values, I am aware of them and I walk around acting upon them daily.
2. I am very spiritual. I can relate to people of all faiths deeply through a broad overstanding* of divine presence. (*overstanding is Iyaric)
3. I did a good job being in the moment this week... several times. I felt like a child.
4. I pray in my own way daily. And I like it.
5. I appreciate my life. Truly. It rocks.
6. I cook yummy food from scratch everyday. And I like that, too.
7. I don't weigh myself. This is random but I don't even know how much I weigh to obsess.
8. I have started to replace my sense of sin and wrongdoing with compassion and overstanding.
9. I've helped keep the house clean since Christmas. Yeeeuh.
10. I am researching baby stuff now in anticipation of our future children. Hopefully one will be conceived later this year...

So... Rastafarian Christmas! To celebrate, we are not eating anything outside of the the Ital from sunset tonight until sunrise on Sunday. Enjoy your carnitas for lunch now, Shawn; we're having quinoa pilaf and fish for dinner!

Basically for us this is a way to celebrate our beliefs and also to do whatever the hell we want, which is the spirit of the entire Rastarfari movement and way of life. As long as love is in our hearts and we are pure of motive we can celebrate in our own way; there is no "Rasta Christmas" tradition that is set.
Our tradition will be something like,

• Smudge ceremony to cleanse the house
• Start a fire in the fireplace for reflection
• Take part in the religious rite
• Meditate for an extended time
• Eat Ital dinner
• Exchange handmade gifts (if any)

Then tomorrow we will wake up, meditate and do some yoga stretches. After that we'll do whatever we feel like, I guess! It will most likely mean we do nothing, which is great. I found some Ital recipes for tomorrow, too. Here's one:


Baked Sweet Potatoes Ingredients 2 lb (900 g) sweet potatoes2 oz (55 g) unsalted butterjuice of 1/2 orangefreshly ground black pepper2-3 firm tomatoes Method 
Carefully wash the sweet potatoes and boil in their skins in plenty of water for 20 - 25 minutes until soft. Drain. When cool enough to handle remove the skins and rub the potatoes through a sieve. Mix 1 oz of the butter into the sweet potato puree with the orange juice. Lightly season with freshly ground black pepper. Butter a shallow baking dish and spread the mixture evenly on it. Top with sliced tomatoes and dot with remaining butter. Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees f for 20 minutes. Serves 4

Thanks for reading; if you do anything special for ANY holiday I'd love to hear about it in the comments!