I'm sure I've done it many times, but this is the first time I have ever written it down.
Every 4 years I change--drastically, consciously. And then over the course of those years I grow into all the changes I make and I arrive--briefly. Then the realization of continuous change sets in and I begin to grow again. I'm like a quadrennial flower.
This time I am trying to grow into something that will help me to walk in the shoes that are too big now and will be too snug once again in 4 years: to stop being so hard on myself while I grow.
It is so frustrating to be where I am and to only want to be where I am going that I can get lost along the way in fits of harshness towards myself, "Why aren't you a better person yet?!"
Not this time. I'm going to enjoy growing up and up and have compassion for myself like I do for others. Then maybe the feeling of blossoming will come in whispers, and finally burst before briefly waning and beginning again.
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Every 4 years I change--drastically, consciously. And then over the course of those years I grow into all the changes I make and I arrive--briefly. Then the realization of continuous change sets in and I begin to grow again. I'm like a quadrennial flower.
This time I am trying to grow into something that will help me to walk in the shoes that are too big now and will be too snug once again in 4 years: to stop being so hard on myself while I grow.
It is so frustrating to be where I am and to only want to be where I am going that I can get lost along the way in fits of harshness towards myself, "Why aren't you a better person yet?!"
Not this time. I'm going to enjoy growing up and up and have compassion for myself like I do for others. Then maybe the feeling of blossoming will come in whispers, and finally burst before briefly waning and beginning again.
Stumble it!
4 comments:
It is so hard for me to understand how you are not satisfied with where you are because I view you in such a different light. To me you are such a beautiful and knowledgeable person. You know so much about your health that you (now I don't know every detail) practically healed yourself by eating the right things and working everyday to ease your mind and spirit. You have an awesome husband and house and you are always looking for ways to become a better person. And shall I say how much I look up to you in the world of crafts! Lol Anyway, you are your own worst critic. You inspire me to work on being a better person and you have guided me through some rough patches. When I get really anxious about reaching my long term goals I have to slow down and appreciate everything little thing I do that day even if its doing the dishes, it really does help. That and set a few shorter term goals that are 100 percent soley in your hands that have nothing to do with what you are anxious about.
Since I don't think I have any accounts listed Ill sign it like a note lol
-Jessie
@Jessie, you are right about how good I have it; that is what inspired me to be easier on myself this time. The one thing though, is that I have NO control over anything, ultimately. And yet I am safe. I am protected and nothing is in my hands... it's all controlled by something somewhere else. So letting go of all worry and harsh self-criticism is easier and is healing myself of depression and anxiety that is rooted in... nothing. At least not anymore with all the wonderful things in my life.
I had no idea that I made an impact on you like I do but it helps to know I am inspiring; it makes me feel like I'm truly getting somewhere. I'm trying to be directional and I think I'm doing it well! It especially helps to have friends like you.
I've found one of my most difficult life lessons is to have compassion for myself. For others it's easy. It comes so naturally. For me? I always feel guilty that I'm putting my needs before others. But, I also realize that balance is always best so I've spent the last few years moving in this direction. Uncharted territory for sure and it didn't begin to work without a lot of guilt at first. But it's beginning to feel more natural now and not being so hard on myself is definitely changing me, and things, for the better :) Sending you lots of positive energy as you blossom.
@Stacie, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with a tendency to put myself last; thank you for always being so thoughtful and supportive! Thank you, thank you!
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