For All the Mommies and the Daddies

Tonight I understand the ferocity of parental, and in my case, motherly love. I understand that any feelings that our parenting skills are being questioned are invoked within us by the differences between us. Any feelings that other parents' choices are made as a slight to us stems from differences in the infinite number of choices we all have to make everyday as parents. And all these feelings originate from the core feeling of anyone questioning that love. It can make the blood rise immediately.

But when we tuck our children in bed at night whether it is with you in your family bed, in a bassinet in your room, in his or her own crib in a separate room (with or without a bumper) don't we all hold onto them just a little longer before going to sleep ourselves? Don't we all try to consciously make a memory that we will never forget? Memories about how small our babies are, and how fast they are growing. Little details of the lines of their face. Such tiny fingers and toes. Each little hair on their heads.
If we all know that deep of love for our children I believe our differences can be celebrated instead of being used to criticize other parents. Lo! We all have found decisions we feel good about among the hundreds of choices which we all have to make. What could be better in the uncertain world of parenting than to feel good about how we're raising our own children?
Maybe we could understand each other and become curious rather than judgmental when we see those who have chosen differently than we have. Instead of taking it as a slight to you, feel good about your different decision you have made which works for your family and know that the parent in front of you feels that way about their own decision. Give a nod to them respectfully as a sort of "parental namaste:" The good parent within me sees the good parent within you.

In short: the Mommy Wars currently raging across the internet and in our communities make me cry. Breastfeeding, formula feeding. Disposables, cloth diapers. Vaccinations, no-Vaccinations. Intact boys, circumcised boys. Medicalized birth, un-medicated birth. All of it. It just needs to stop.
It just doesn't matter at the end of the day, and it's not part of that memory you make. What matters is the love we all know for our children. I hope we can all let that be enough to at least begin to let us relate to other parents, if not to love and understand them.

This is a tough job, folks. And if we're all doing our best, we're doing just great.

Overwhelmed... in a good way, mostly.

Time is going by so fast. I have so many thoughts running through my head; each one deserves its own blog post but I'm so overwhelmed by them all that I haven't been writing them out. I have one whole post in draft about how mothers both seek validation from other moms constantly via the internet, as well as about how parents outright shame other parents about their choices they make for their own children. It makes me sad and I don't do it because I would hate to have it done to me. We don't make choices for our child to slight anyone, we just do what we think is best for our child and I hope everyone else would do the same. No one will ever know enough about anyone else to make a choice for them and their family and anyone who thinks they would be able to is absurd. I do support and encourage that parents base their choices in research and scientific facts, especially when it comes to health choices. Basically, if they are informed choices I support any decision any parent makes for their child when it comes to things like circumcision, vaccines and what their kids eat and when they eat it.
We are all so similar that it baffles me why we waste time trying to separate ourselves from others by nitpicking our parenting styles and choices. I believe that no one is an expert on raising any child but they can be an expert at raising their own child. Shawn and I know Bernice like no one else and we consider ourselves Bernice-experts. If I ever offer advice (only when it is asked for) it is always from my own experience with her and I don't even know if it will be helpful or used and I don't expect it to be the end-all be-all of general parenting advice. Hell, my kid is only 3 months old. I don't know hardly anything yet, so the advice I have to offer when asked for it is already limited by that as well.
All I know is that I read everything, research everything, and thus know enough collectively that way along with my Bernice-knowledge to comfort myself when she has green poop, sneezes more often than usual, or cries for different reasons. If I'm still unsettled I call her doctor.
One piece of advice that is always good: go with your instincts. You have them for a reason and they're usually right.

I'm becoming a good mama bear. Like my dad said, "You're a mama-bear now. You're tough. If someone doesn't like it, tell them if they want something warm and fluffy to go hug a squirrel."

Can I just say...

Any person, woman or man, has the right to do whatever she or he thinks is right for themselves. No one should be made to feel as though they must do anything but, no one must be ridiculed for doing what they feel is right, either.
Especially about the topics of birth, life and death: these are incredibly personal and unique experiences for us humans and we all feel very strongly about them.

Let us be and stay curious rather than become judgemental. Let us see what will happen.