Baby Shower...s... blech.

Baby showers both suck and rock because of what they expose: true friends and points of... ahem, interest within family relationships. I am going out on a limb writing this article because it's going to piss off my family*, but I am pissed to the point of no return and this is my blog.
If someone reads it, they read it. I own my words and the responsibility of carrying them.

In the last weeks of my pregnancy the last thing I am concerned with is having a shower for our baby. I wish we'd held them a little earlier because I am huge, uncomfortable and apparently the baby could come any day. I'm also just so obsessed with going into labor and finally meeting our baby that I am in no condition to work, be social or to act aware of anything around me. I'm in the Zone. And the only cure is giving birth... not more cowbell as some may argue.

If I must take part in a late-term baby shower, and I must, I want it to be a happy, easy-going celebration full of family and friends who ask non-stop questions about the BABY and our future plans for him or her.
Unfortunately the shower has become a hub for passive agressiveness and behavior patterns which damage relationships and hurt feelings. And all of us are to blame.

I ask that any family who is reading this re-groups and centers themselves on the fact that we are all waiting for a BABY here, this should be a fun and exciting time. Our family is growing because of nothing more than the love within it. I also ask that we be mindful of each other's feelings during this time: exclusion is excruciatingly painful. "I didn't remember" doesn't soften the blow, either. This is a very intimate family event and an invite extended to the entire family and not just one side of it means the world to more people than you know. Your absence is also incredibly painful and speaks very loudly, whether what it says is accurate or not.

I ask that I be kept out of who-said-what updates and Facebook squabbles; I'm really focused on bringing the baby into the world the best way I can and I cannot do that with my insides feeling all scrambled up from the stress of this situation. It's not about the shower/s, it's about the emotional tone of our family we're setting for this wee one to be born into that is important. Baby will not care who bought what. I want to show them we all love each other, dammit. We all need to act like it more.

I need to hug people more. And I am going to try.


*family refers to the group of people we joined together with our marriage nearly 2 years ago throughout this post. All of them.

Long Weekend Funk

After not having time nor mood to blog since last week, I'm still in my funk. I just don't want to work today or do anything that requires Shawn and I to be apart. We love our Mondays off together, especially.

Saturday had quite the bright spot to it even though it was busy, busy, busy. We had a baby shower and graduation to go to, and to pick up the gifts for both... great planning, I know. We got ready, went to Target, and headed to the baby shower. Once there, I found myself feeling proud for being truly happy for my friend and her partner as she hugged me with her 8-month belly. It didn't make me sad, jealous, or resentful; my heart is starting to burst open to all kinds of joy instead of just my own. As if a reward for my progress one of our mutual work friends came in with her children: her 3 year-old son (with darling rosy cheeks) and her *gasp!* 5-week old daughter!!! I haven't been able to hold a baby since the affliction of the babycrack! For the first time in my life I felt no fear as she let me hold her, so hold her I did. I don't know how long I held that little baby but she was so sweet and so awake. When I commented on her alertness her mom told me "Oh, she won't sleep during the day!"

About twenty minutes later she fell asleep. I beamed.