12 Week Appointment Update!



Our baby will make this baby look like a pansy...

Just a quick note about our appointment on Tuesday: everything is great!
The doctor used the doppler device to find the baby's heart beat. It's a very healthy 159bpm! At first it was difficult to find because the baby likes to snuggle up to my uterine artery to feel the pulsing of my heart, so we could actually hear both mine and the baby's hearts at once. It was cute.
After listening to the baby alone for a few seconds the doppler sounds "warbled" and then the heart noise resumed to which the doctor advised, "The baby kicked at the doppler!"
This baby takes no shits. I hope I'm passing on the strength I am gaining to him or her... I am no longer taking shits from anyone (at work specifically) either.

Just when I thought I knew anything...

It's really hard to grow up. And it's really hard to be a woman.
And it's really really hard to grow up strong enough of a woman to be a mother.

When you want to see the best in people, they show you their worst. A side you never knew was even possible to be seen. It's a cold, hard fact that some people are just mean.
This fact took me 8,936 days to learn and I'm still having a hard time swallowing it down today on day 8,937.
Part of the difficulty I have had in learning this is completely my fault. I give more credit to people than they are worth and I have too high of expectations for people based upon how I conduct myself. People are not me, they are people, and they are all very, very, puzzingly different. Makes the world go 'round, I suppose. But this is hands down the hardest lesson I have learned in my human life so far: some people just suck.

No matter how much of yourself you share with them, no matter how much you give or care, some will never be moved by that. And I must accept that, spend no more time poring over it and move on.

I just have to remember that even though I am forced to work with some of the meanest people I have ever met and will meet (I am sure) in my life, it must not become me; I must be unmoved by them as well. There is nothing wrong with me, dammit; I am nice. I am loving and full of rainbows and unicorns.
I hope I can adequately learn from this and use it to increase my strength. It's going to take a lot of strength to be a good mother one day; this can only be work done towards that.